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serious problem - should we let him go?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by rett232, Sep 18, 2014.

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  1. rett232

    rett232 Account Closed

    This may be an unusual post but I need to mention whats happening as I am really in a desperate situation. Firstly its not about me but my older brother who is 36 (I am 34) I have always been close to him his entire life and I am fearing I may finally lose him after a 20 years long battle with his inner demons.

    He led a normal childhood and normal teenage life until he hit around 17, out of the blue serious depression hit him. He was able to subside the depression somewhat but it always came back and he seemed to develop serious paranoia and social anxiety with it. He's had friends but has never really been able to trust many people strangely and has never in his life had a girlfriend or even been close to a woman.

    So after nearly 20 years of anti-depressants and therapy and everything you can think of, he's still going down. He was recently sectioned for a while because he was a danger to himself and I went to see him with mother who he is also close to. I know he is suicidal and has been for a long time but won't kill himself simply because he does not want to hurt his family which is admirable, I keep telling him to fight and that he'll get back to his old self but I have been saying this for 20 years and after he looked me in the eyes when our mother stepped out the room and said to me 'just let me go please.' I almost broke down. It was from his heart I could see he was just a tired burned out man who has lost all peace of mind. I did not know what to say at the time and just sat there sort of dumbfounded but I tried to stay strong for him but I know deep in his heart he wants to die I can see it in his eyes and he's only been alive so far for us.

    I don't know what to do!!! I really don't want him to die as I love him but then I see him now after such a slow descent into 'madness' after nearly 20 years. I know he's only trying to think of us more than himself. He's a sick man and more than likely always will be and maybe now is the time...perhaps if he really is in so much agony to....ah I don't even know :( it makes me teary eyed just thinking about it.

    any advice? HELP!!!!!!! I have not told my mother what he told me either.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry you have to see your brother struggle so much with his depression his mental health. Has he tried all the different treatments out there even the newer ones they have invented new medication for hard to treat long term depression ECT as well has been know to help I know you don't want him to die nor does he really he just wants the struggle the sadness to end. NO you hold on for him ok you hold on to him until that right treatment comes along but someone has to advocate for him to get him the newer treatments someone has to fight for him ok as he just does not have energy right now.
  3. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    It is not a matter of "letting him go" or not - that i snot your choice to make. Your only obligation (and even that is choice) is to make yourself available to him as support when he needs or wants it. You do not have to discuss suicide or his death - and if he wants to discuss that you can listen, but no - saying it is okay with me if you do is wrong in my opinion. Why? Because in a depressed state all he will hear is "even my brother does not care if I die" no matter how you mean it, and it is very very common that when people are depressed they "test people" almost hoping the person will reaffirm their opinion that nobody cares and they do not matter. There is no doubt at some point saying it is "okay" will not change into "they do not care" in the mind of a severely depressed person and that is not your reason for wondering what you should do- it is because you do care so make it clear you do care about him and his pain instead.
  4. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    how do you intend of letting him go?
    stay with him, be that rock. use all services available, try new age radical treatments. maybe take him away somewhere, on a weekend for a change of scene. or a brief holiday if he isn't having a particularly bad week...
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