Serious Question

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by ThoseEmptyWalls, Oct 24, 2009.

  1. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    Anyone who reads my posts has probably noticed I struggle a lot with sexual issues.. I was thinking and I figured I should see if anyone else feels the same way about sexual relationships as I do... Im not sure if I can make it a simple direct question or not but let me try.. Does anyone else have mixed feelings when it comes to sex? Let me explain.. My husband and I went thru relationship hell when I was pregnant with our now 4 year old. He cheated on me shortly before we found out which spirled things downhill big time. I stewed on the idea of abortion but couldnt even bring myself to look for a clinic. I felt trapped in a relationship I didnt want and blah blah blah.. A little time passes and Im coming to terms with what happend. Im interested in a real relationship again and keeping the marriage going...Hes afraid to touch me because of the old hurt the baby fear.. Even after the midwife says its okay he gets all weirded out.. Anyhow..After the babys born I develope trouble with normal sexual functioning (lots of pain....).. Time goes on... He claims sex isnt important to him anymore. I guess I can believe it, he is in his 40s, and I like to think our relationship is worth something more.. Im struggling with mixed feelings.. Im not into some of the other options when it comes to sex. I dont like letting him do me a favor (I hope everyone understands what I mean) because I feel guilty of giving nothing back. Although I think of sex Im not really interested in having sex which makes me feel guilty and sort of depressed/upset. Does anyone else struggle with mixed feelings, thoughts, emotions, ect?

    Im sorry if this post goes into to much detail. I just really wanted to compair. I feel so alone on this subject.
  2. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    i dont know if this is similar but here goes. i like sex. well i used to. but, its caused me a lot of emotional pain. mainly its because im a guy so im meant to be like... but now, sex scares me cause its just a blag. its way too much pressure. you need to perform, satisfy, last, etc. what ever happened to it being important, simple? maybe even romantic. now its just all about the physical stuff, and thats what i dont need.
  3. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I sort of understand. You're feeling guilty about not being interested in sex so to speak and aren't sure whether he is being honest about his feelings towards sex (i.e. it not being as important to him).
    Is that what you're saying?

    You shouldn't feel guilty about not wanting to have sex, it's your body.
    I know a lot of women have sex to please their partners even though they aren't overly keen or interested. Are you feeling guilty depressed and upset because you believe your lack of libido might drive your partner into the arms of someone else?

    I can't say I have this problem, I do enjoy sex but I've lost touch with the emotional aspect of it because I've never been in a relationship and my self esteem is so low, I probably never will be (because I find it hard to believe someone could ever want me, however it's easy to believe a man could want me for sex, because I always feel like men will stick it anywhere) but I have read from others who do, so you're not alone.
  4. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    Yes, I guess thats what Im saying. I have a hard time understanding how no sex could be okay with someone. Expecially when the other person is interested in having sex. No, Im not worried he will cheat on me. Im just feeling guilty like Im depriving him of a normal relationship. I feel like Im taking away his chance at a happy/normal sex life.