Seriously considering ending it all now

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ace, Dec 19, 2011.

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  1. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    I've been trying so hard but I desperately feel I can't do this anymore,I can so really go now and I strongly feel now that i just may.It's the best thing for me and everyone and I know I'll be doing everyone a favour,I'm a useless piece of shit and have always been so.I know for sure I'll be doing my dad a huge favour without going into it.I know it's just days from Christmas but the suicidal urges are so strong now and it really gets to feel of it's a real matter of when but not if anymore.I can't fight this depression anymore,the OCD the BDD the terrible anxiety and everything else.Life wasn't made and never was for me I'm best off in the grave period for all concerned seriously I mean that.It's getting so hard to fight and I feel I can go any moment now I'm so sorry everyone can't be bothered with life anymore:((((
     
  2. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Ace -

    Hang in there.... why have things got this way for you? Did anything happen recently to make you feel worse? I think you've done a great job in trying hard, remember to give yourself kudos for doing that. You won't be doing anyone a favor at all, even if it might feel like you would be. You are definitely not useless at all. When we are depressed, our thinking becomes negatively distorted and we tell ourselves all sorts of untrue things.

    Am here if you wish, please stay safe. Can you call someone to stay the night with you?
     
  3. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    ace, hun i love you i am still here so stay here with me, for me? please? love ya!
     
  4. allykakansas

    allykakansas New Member

    Many of us have probably felt the way you feel now, and gotten out of it. I don't have the exact same circumstances but you can get through this, I made it through mine, and I attempted 4 times seriously and 2 times not so seriously. Maybe you could look into seeing a counselor? And if you dad is better off without you then he doesn't deserve to have you as a son.
     
  5. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Thank you all so much yeh my dad has always had a habit of making me feel like utter shit pretty much my whole life so even thinking I should be dead and doing him a huge favour and the whole world really.It's my conditions that get very bad like Body Dysmorphic disorder it's a crippling shocking condition that just makes me feel so ugly as hell always really.I saw my Psychologist yesterday was meant to see my BDD specialist as well but didn't feel up to it instead I rescheduled my appointment with him.I see my Psychiatrist tomorrow I'm trying my best to hang on it's so hard as well.It's so hard the strong suicidal thoughts enter my mind so much replaying doing it over and over in my head.To me I feel like and just am a real loser I'm 36 years of age really and I'm nothing never have been good at anything and it gets so hard seeing everyone succeeding leading positive lives but me of course.I've been trying so hard to only always feel like I'm just and have failed at things like always.
     
  6. Mapleman

    Mapleman Member

    My dad is the same as yours and I want to die too
     
  7. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    I'm really really sorry you have had the terrible experience of having a shocking father you don't deserve that.My dad has done it to me my whole life made me feel like I'm a good for nothing piece of shit no matter what I ever tried to do to please him.He's also an alcoholic but really a dog of a person I feel.He was always like that with my sisters too but they're married and out of the house now and know what he's all about really.I wish I could help you in some way I totally understand how you feel my friend.
     
  8. sevendust

    sevendust Active Member

    Hi Ace, we are stronger then we give ourselves credit. Regardless how horrible we may feel, we continue to do our best to survive another day. Sorry life hasn't worked your way. I'm beginning to realize now, sometimes we can be to hard on ourselves. What hurts us the most, is people that matter, but very unsupportive. By committing suicide, we gave up and no one will ever know why? Cause if they knew why? they would try to prevent us from suicide.

    What are you fighting, that make's life unbearable ? Wishing you a brighter future.
     
  9. ace

    ace Well-Known Member


    Thank you very much seven for your reply I'm really so sorry I couldn't reply to you earler as I couldn't get online.Things have been really hectic and I've been getting very strongly suicidal.It's really my conditions that have been getting very bad the depression the anxiety and especially the Obsessive compulsive disorder and Body dysmorphic disorder.My problems and difficulty with dealing with the past have been a very tough area as well mainly really.I get ok but then I fall back down and get very bad extremely negative,low,angry,terrible confidence and self esteem,angry at the past with virtually everything and anything and I'm a complete mess.The suicidal thoughts have been getting severely strong again really,my problems mainly with coffee drinking which have been very bad for such a long time and even at times binge drinking of alcohol as well.I know for sure one thing if I'm to live into 2012 things have to change severely or simply I can't keep on going like this at all.

    I'm just sick to death of being the same old person,sick of feeling like a loser and a good for nothing piece of shit always.I just want to return to my old job someday and I know my Dr said he'll do everything in his power to get me back there when the time is right.So I try my best to hang on to that hope,I've even said things like I'd work back at my old job everyday of the week even saying I'd pay them money to let me work there again because it means so much to me.I had to stop working because I was so unwell and had a bad breakdown and the company knew my sitaution as well.Things just get very overwhelming I get very low feel so guilty that I'm such a burden on people and people would be better off without me in their lives.
     
  10. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi ace. I was wondering how you have been doing. I'm sorry to hear that things are still pretty rough on you and that your dad is still treating you badly. I'm glad that you have managed to hang on. It shows that you are stronger than you think. Show your dad that you are better than he thinks. Never give up man. :hug:
     
  11. sevendust

    sevendust Active Member

    Hi Ace, hope holiday's went well for you. Sorry, for late reply, sort of got busy with holiday's. Sorry life continues to be difficult for you, I surely do understand. I've realized since I joined the forum, that we can be too hard on ourselves sometimes, mainly caused by everything around us. Yes, it can be difficult to resolve past issues, but truth is, nothing can be changed in the past, we can only learn from our past, and look ahead into the future.

    Your not those things, you've mentioned about yourself. People's expectations or actions in life, can make another feel worthless. Nothing in the world we live in, seem's to be satisfied.

    You can do all the things you desire, if you begin to believe in yourself. Feeling down, will only drag you down further. I go through lot's of high/low phases in my life, but this is the first time, I've thought of suicide, because I feel crushed up against a wall. No, we are not a burden on anyone. We live in a very selfish world, it's not anyone's fault, just the way the world evolved, most in life now are to busy or stressed out, trying not to fall. Truth is, people just don't have time for one another anymore.

    Like majority of my friend's are working overtime, due to the economy, losing job, searching for jobs, Etc....

    I feel the same way you do, when life becomes overwhelming. But, if we really think about it, there were times in our lives, we felt this way, and overcame obstacles. Such as the first time, I experienced a broken heart from a girl, getting a poor grade in school, or losing my first job, Etc..... We all have done it many times before, we can do it again. Hang in there friend, everything is going to be great in the New year. Happy New year :)
     
  12. Rachel2000

    Rachel2000 Member

    Hi Ace thinking of you






     
  13. sevendust

    sevendust Active Member

    Hi Rachel, Happy New year !! Thanks so much for caring. It's not often, I read or hear comforting thoughts. Wishing you the best in the new year.
     
  14. Joe P

    Joe P New Member

    Right now I feel like shit 2 mainly because of the people at school and the only girl I've loved and will ever love disliking me. I've never been like this before and I dont know how to explain how I feel, family are also constantly puttin me down by comparing me to other people. To be honest the thought of never seeing the girl I love again is keeping me alive, is it right to feel like this at the age of 15?
     
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