I am a "suicidalist". I've been living on borrowed time for most of my life, I think I can't borrow any more. I am in therapy but I am such an evil and wicked person that I sabotage the therapy and make it not work. I don't want any of you to say 'yes I used to be a bad person like you, and then I changed into a good person . . .' that is never going to happen and I will always be a bad person, I have been pretty much all my life. That's really true. Don't give me your crap. Therapy will never work for me. I've already called three different hotlines tonight, none of them wanted to talk with someone as wicked as I am. The world will be a better place when I am dead. There isn't any reason for me to go on.