Seriously doubt

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Sweet_Melody, Sep 5, 2010.

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  1. Sweet_Melody

    Sweet_Melody Member

    That Anyone is going to bother reading this.
    I horse ride six or seven days a week. For almost four years now.
    But I don't really care anymore.
    I've deleted my facebook. Haven't checked my email in three weeks. And I can't remember the las time I was actually online.
    I've told my parents this. Hoping that they might wonder why. Or bother caring.
    That's obviously not been the case.
    My brother and sister have moved.
    I think it's safe to say that I'm depressed.
    My parents... Fight fairly often. My dads a pilot so when he's home they do.
    Aaaand it usually ends up being my fault.
    I am so bored of my life. School starts soon.
    Don't want to go back. Don't want to see any of them again. Competition season starts soon. Don't care, I'll never be getting anywhere.
    I haven't told anyone this. It's my problem and I don't want to make it anyone elses.
    Also, I don't want help. I'm not going to talk to anyone. I'll take medication but that's all.
    My plan was actually to just get rid of myself. Actually it still is my plan. And even if I fail, I'll end up somewhere away from these assholes that don't even bother asking what's wrong. That don't bother thinking "hmm I wonder why she's giving up on her passion and friends" nah, too much hard work to think.
    Just felt like saying something. Hope they read it some day and realise that it wasn't their fault... But they could have helped. Thanks for abandoning me.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    yes depression at its best i am sorry you are there and so deep. No one can help you but you You need to tell them you are depressed okay they are so busy with their lifes maybe own depression they can't see yours You know you are aware you are ill do something to get out of it call doctor get on meds yes definitely meds help when you get the right one. I hope you get your passion back for riding it can be so free. take care of you okay because in the end it is you that matters do it now before it gets worse start looking after you.
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Sweet Melody, Reading your thread I can see a wonderful soul behind all those words..Violet is right about telling your parents that you are depressed.. People who have never been thru it don't realize how dibilitating it can be..You loose all motivation and start isolating...You definitely need to see a pdoc and get on meds.. You have to give the meds a chance because they can take six to eight weeks..Then they have to find one that helps because everyones body chemistry is different..I hope you stay with us and make friends here.. They can be so supportive because they have been thru it..I wish you the best..
  4. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    I empathise with your feelings, especially the boredom of feeling like you've already seen all life has to offer. I definitely think you should let your parents know what's going on, even though their relationship is strained, they should still completely support you.
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    It does sound like you may be suffering from some form of depression. I notice you say you don't let anyone know how you are feeling because you don't want to bother them. Many of us have had those same thoughts. But how can we expect people to know if we don't say something? Is it fair to simpkly expect them to notice? Maybe they have but are afraid to say something for fear of hurting your feelings or being rejected by you. Would you rather have a friend tell you they were hurting or wait for you to notice? If you did notice, would you have the courage to confront them? I am sorry your parents didn't pick up on things when you were dropping hints. You went that far, why not take the next step and tell her how you really are? Thank you for sharing here at least. i hope we are able to give you some of the support you need. :hug:
  6. Sweet_Melody

    Sweet_Melody Member

    Tbh, I'd love to tell them.
    But the answer i'd get would be something like 'Thats nice. Now can you go inside? We're talking'
    And no, i'm not exaggerating.
  7. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi Melody. You really have to at least try telling your parents that you think you're depressed and that you're having suicidal thoughts. People are not mind readers and if you say that you're okay, they will believe that. I'm sure that they will care if you tell them that you're planning on killing yourself. :hug:
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