Seriously need help

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by NinjaSwan, Oct 13, 2009.

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  1. NinjaSwan

    NinjaSwan Active Member

    Hey all.

    I am 17 years old. I have attempted suicide once, and I am seriously afraid I might do it again. I have extreme anger built up inside of me for one reason. My mother.

    I can't deal with her anymore. She constantly pushes all my buttons. I never feel so much anger or pain when I have to deal with her. I have no self-esteem or confidence. She is constantly attacking me, making me feel worthless and like shit. She says I'm a monster and deserve to rot in hell. That I'm an ungrateful bastard and don't deserve anything good that happens to me. I've tried everything I could, talking to her and trying to understand why she is like this. But she doesn't want to give me a chance. I'm always wrong and she is always right. I hate her so much.

    But I don't know where to turn. I have no friends or family that will help me. My dad couldn't give a shit about it. He just sits on his ass while all these things are said, and acts like everything is perfect and normal. I have dreams about her all the time, where she is constantly screaming at me and berating me, and I finally snap and hurt her.

    I'm afraid I might snap one day and actually kill myself. Or hurt her. Or someone else. I just feel so angry and hurt that I feel like I'm going to explode. But I dunno where to go.

    I need help.
     
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Wow, this is a hard circumstance to live in. Ask your parents to get you a doctors appointment and then tell the doctor what is happening.

    If your parents won't make an appointment for you, go to the school counselor. It's very important to tell what is really happening to you. That is the only way to get the help you truly need.

    Please post here anytime. We'll walk with you through this.

    :hug:
     
  3. NinjaSwan

    NinjaSwan Active Member

    Thanks for the reply Chargette :smile:

    I tried going to my school counselor, but he wouldn't listen. All he cared about was me getting perfect grades so I can get into a wonderful college and make the school look better.

    The soonest I can see my therapist is in 3 weeks, and I feel like I'm at a breaking point. I dunno how much longer I can last without doing something stupid :(
     
  4. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Call the local crises line or call suicide prevention hotline.

    You don't have to suffer like this.

    :hug:
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    call your therapist leave a msg saying you need an earlier appt now Tell therapist to fit you in as it is impt to your saftey. If all fails they call crisis they will come and take you somewhere safe or call authorites in to get you help. Is there a relative you can stay at or a friends until you can get support you need. verbal abuse is just a dangerous please call crisis line and get yourself some help or call police yourself and let them know how angry and threatening your mom gets.
     
  6. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    Ninja,
    i had a somewhat similar experience with my dad, just the opposite of you. only that it wasn't as close as bad as your case. but still it hurt me so much when my dad belittled me and my dreams that i was ready to drink myself to death.
    All i can say is, things happen for a reason. we are here on this earth for a temporary period to learn serious lessons. I am still struggling with forgiving my father completely but just by asking God to help me do it, i have managed to get rid most of the anger, bitterness and rage towards him and the drinking part. just the other day my roommate mentioned something about my dad and i flared up in anger. don't be like me. be the bigger person and forgive her.
     
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i think getting help is the first priority to stop the abuse maybe get authorities to order your mom into somekind of parenting class anger management class will help. Get help first forgive second. ask officers to order mom into getting some kind of councilling even family councilling together.
     
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