I WANT to do it. I am scared stiff of the consequences of failure. The PHYSICAL consequences. Swelling up, organ damage, all those things I'm sure I need not name. I have all the pills I need to make an attempt. Tons of them. But what if I fail? I had them in my hand earlier... So badly I want to die. Someone call me a freaking ambulance, or this may be the last night I live.