Seriously, this is going OTT...

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Sycotic_Sarah, Feb 23, 2007.

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  1. OTT means over the top by the way.

    Anyway, last night, I rampaged through the bin trying to find a razor since I found one yesterday morning, but reluctantly, gave it to my mum, I don't know where she put it, either in the bin, or hid it, so I assumed in the bin, threw the bin on the floor, rampaged through the rubbish, and to my surprise, I found nothing. Quite disappointing.

    But now, I know that a razor is in this house, knowing that makes me suspicious, paranoid(weird, I know), anxious and curious as to where it is.

    I used to always rampage my sisters/mums room for a razor, half the time I found one, but I know for a fact that they have a razor this time, and knowing that makes me go insane, I dunno what to do because I am going insane with it now, I am literley loosing it, I haven't used a blade in a few months now, just glass and knives, but they don't do the damage I want it too, so I am trying so hard to find the blade, but I can't, and probably won't since I have to return to school on sunday evening, so I have 2 1/2 days to find it, and I haven't a clue what my mind will do next, knowing me, it'll probably loose its marbles again and trash my mums/sisters room until I find the bloody thing. I don't know what to do, I want to stop this, I want to be able to have a razor in the house without wanting to find it and cut myself with it, but I can't, I just want to stop this and I don't know how, I have tried stopping, failed more than enough times, I have tried techniques, I always go back to the usual technique - cutting, but just, now, my selfharm has esclated into overdosing, and that ain't a pretty thing for my body at the moment, considering I have probably fucked my body up a bit from the previous overdoses, but I know if I come across tablets, I will gulp them down, and that will be the only resort I can go to because I can't cut.

    I dunno why I am posting this, but what does everyone think of this? Because quite frankley, I think I have lost it.
  2. gannon

    gannon Member

    I'm sorry to hear of your situation and I hope you can hold off on doing anything to yourself.
  3. Beret

    Beret Staff Alumni

    No hun, u havent lost it, its just part to have a blade in your house when you really want and dont want it. Im thinking abut you, stp searching, luv ya, Beret
  4. Found it.

  5. messedup

    messedup New Member

    hey sarah...i know how u feel...when im havin a self harm episode i too will rummage in bins and drawers until i find it! wont always be like this u know...i havent self harmed since halloween...and previous to that i had been doin it 8yrs...hope u find it in urself to hold off next time. thinking of u xxx
  6. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member

  7. for...?

    my mum found the blades and took them. somewhere.



  8. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member

    Calm down dear.

    I said congratulations on finding the blade. I actually wasn't being sarcastic in the slightest.
  9. don't call me dear.

    call me physco if anything, ta.

    and why is that good? im assuming everyone wants me to die yes? more so you yes? cool, I shall remember that. :l
  10. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member

    Riiiiiiight :rolleyes:

    Why would I want you to die? I don't even know you. And even if I did, I wouldn't want ANYBODY to commit suicide.
  11. Well, thats the vibe im getting thankyou v. much.
  12. mike25

    mike25 Well-Known Member

    I don't think you've 'lost it'. I think you sound distressed. The human body is resilient, and a marvellous self healer if treated correctly from now on, so don't worry too much about damage from previous OD's. Worry doesn't improve anything. All the best.
  13. So for future referance I will remember to overdose extra extra extra?


    I think I have lost it. I think I have lost the plot. My marbles have rolled away...
  14. Lucie

    Lucie Well-Known Member

    Why not buy your own blades? If you need them so bad. That reminds me I need to get some aswell.
  15. mike25

    mike25 Well-Known Member

    I hope you don't OD extra extra extra because it just makes the recovery more grisly. I lost my mind too.... I'm sure it's backed up on disc somewhere.
    Console yourself that 99% of the population have lost their marbles too. It's nothing new.
    Keep us updated.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 27, 2007
  16. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately I can't buy my own blades. I make the most of the objects I manage to find around the house, which at the moment is four blades. Result.
    Also, can I join in this 'lost my mind' group? I think I'm slowly going insane.
  17. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member

    Also Sarah, do you have anger issues? I can sense sarcasm in some of your posts. WHAT HAVE I DONE TO YOU?????????????????????
  18. Yer, I can't buy my own blades, if I could, I would be in my own puddle of blood right now.

    I have emotional and behavioural educational special needs, so that is probably 'it', Ruby.
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