Seriously whats the point...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by M4GICHAT, Apr 13, 2014.

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    M4GICHAT New Member

    I'm a 22 year old college student. I should be happy, I have every reason to be happy and ambitious but its not there anymore? I'm not seriously depressed to the point I cry or anything like that. I just feel I'm becoming blank. This evening leaving the library I had a moment where I watched the sunset with the frogs chirping, it made me feel good, but in this moment I had the thought of dieing peacefully today, I thought to myself of just ending everything and being apart of this incomprehensible universe again. I literally thought If only I had something <mod edit - methods>, I want to leave in that state of mind, feeling like completely at peace, in love with myself, the world, and extremely empathetic towards everything. I'm not sure if these thoughts are normal or not? Just so you know, I don't take drugs regularly and I rarely drink alcohol etc. <mod edit - guidelines>

    My life has changed a lot in the past 4 years since highschool. I went from being extremely happy, confident, motivated, popular, social, basically a perfect state of mind but now its the complete opposite I was into many sports had girlfriends and was always an attractive guy. I've become extremely isolated and have very few friends. I'm no longer my confident social self and the isolation is making me more lonely by the week. All I do now is sit in my apt. watch netflix, play xbox, go to classes, and study, and train at the gym. Idk whats wrong with my brain chemistry. I've lost about 30 once really close friends down to 1. I haven't had a legitimate girlfriend in 4 years except random hookups. I really want a woman back in my life. I miss their kiss, that intimacy. I still notice girls check me out but I'm just not who I once was. I can't communicate well, I'm developing some social anxiety that I'm aware is completely ridiculous. Its as if I can't connect or form relationships with strangers anymore. I don't participate in class except lab, I don't have anyone to text on my campus, I am becoming socially awkward at times. Yet at the same time I'm really quite normal...I still have a familiarity with normal and I can have many casual comfortable convos but its all dependent on who and just whether or not my nervous system decides to give me anxiety. Anyways I could ramble on about so many things family, school, health but I won't do that to anyone.

    I guess what I'm trying to get across is I feel lonely, the need for love and interaction but its getting farther and farther away, not closer..I'm trying to fight it. We are all going to die one day, no one really understands whats going on, what life what's the shame or negative outlook on suicide all about? Why not just leave peacefully if I want?
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 13, 2014
  2. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi M4G - very glad you've found SF and hope that you find us a warm and caring community, all here to give and receive support for, like you say, our journey through this incomprehensible universe....of which we are each a unique part. You are right that we are all going to die one day, but it's a huge assumption to say that no one really understands what's going on or what life is..... that last bit needs a ton of unpacking, but I am so glad that you have raised the issue.

    I have always thought that "well, if someone DOES understand what it's all about, would they please tell the rest of us, that would be the human thing to do!"...... that was many years back before what happened to me.... and now I understand why it isn't as simple as that, although there IS a reason for our existence, it seems to be hushed up far too much (in my opinion).

    However, from further down the track now I can sense from your post that your dissatisfaction with how things are for you currently is a wonderful opportunity. I do hope you will keep posting, or PM me if you'd like to :) In response to your last question why not just peacefully if you want - well, actually, you can have no idea what will be the likely outcome - I know from this angle we can only thing of it as being nothing, but human beings are not made to find self-destruction easy and of course, there is no going back should the attempt be successful and you find out that it turns out differently to what you expected.

    Answers that make sense to us ARE there to be dug for, like gold and diamonds - once we find our satisfaction and can understand the point to it all, everything else will start to either come right, or bother us less if it's wrong, because we can see the bigger picture :)
  3. Ljt

    Ljt Well-Known Member

    Hi M4G. I understand your point and your story. I also feel isolated and once had plenty of friends now I only have work colleagues who I wouldn't class as friends. However unlike yourself I am married but I still feel like there is something missing from my life.

    You said that you miss having a partner. Well that is a good thing as your looking to the future, you have plans. Stuff that you want and in a way need. I used to go out a lot and socialise and now I don't and prefer to stay in and watch tv. What I would suggest is maybe getting out on your own I.e go for a walk, cycle or just get out the house. You will be surprised at the stuff that could open up for you. Keep your head up and don't be downhearted about stuff in your life just now but look to the future and what you want and what you will get.
  4. greenieguy

    greenieguy Banned Member

    That is kind of what happend to me except i was friend.zoned a lot and it rventually wore on me then my hairline receded a whole bunch and did nothing for 6 years ive just started taking college classes and talking to this girl at the same time i feel like this girl is just like the girls who have rejected me but for some reason i have to try and see if everything will always be the same.
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