My life has changed a lot in the past 4 years since highschool. I went from being extremely happy, confident, motivated, popular, social, basically a perfect state of mind but now its the complete opposite I was into many sports had girlfriends and was always an attractive guy. I've become extremely isolated and have very few friends. I'm no longer my confident social self and the isolation is making me more lonely by the week. All I do now is sit in my apt. watch netflix, play xbox, go to classes, and study, and train at the gym. Idk whats wrong with my brain chemistry. I've lost about 30 once really close friends down to 1. I haven't had a legitimate girlfriend in 4 years except random hookups. I really want a woman back in my life. I miss their kiss, that intimacy. I still notice girls check me out but I'm just not who I once was. I can't communicate well, I'm developing some social anxiety that I'm aware is completely ridiculous. Its as if I can't connect or form relationships with strangers anymore. I don't participate in class except lab, I don't have anyone to text on my campus, I am becoming socially awkward at times. Yet at the same time I'm really quite normal...I still have a familiarity with normal and I can have many casual comfortable convos but its all dependent on who and just whether or not my nervous system decides to give me anxiety. Anyways I could ramble on about so many things family, school, health but I won't do that to anyone. I guess what I'm trying to get across is I feel lonely, the need for love and interaction but its getting farther and farther away, not closer..I'm trying to fight it. We are all going to die one day, no one really understands whats going on, what life is...so what's the shame or negative outlook on suicide all about? Why not just leave peacefully if I want?