So I made it to my therapy session today. Two things stood out. 1) That she highly recommends I see a doctor to be put on meds to help control my negative views. 2) That I'm even frustrating her now. I've given up so she can even see that most of the stuff she says is just, yup, but no follow through. I just really don't care anymore and just wish I could go into a coma or just be dead. No more worries, no more anything. I'm not going to get anything that is going to make me want to stick around any time soon, so I just wish it was over. Stupid thoughts in my head that will never be reality and only serve to make things hurt more. It's one thing to imagine unrealistic things and try for them but it's another to know that they are unrealistic but still dream about them anyways. I'm fucked up and I just need to end.