i had been doing so well lately. actually happy even, and then just the same feelings again. i stopped medication and stopped going to therapy. meds weren't working. now im just starting the process of getting it over with. one by one im making my friends mad at me on purpose and alienating them so they wont be there to stop me or care. i have to finish my big project of planning my funeral. itll be one less thing for my mom to worry about. she's the only reason that i sometimes come back to sanity and want to stay. but i can't stay. no one understands. if i could..i know i could do something with my life, but i know i cant and i wont live like this any longer. everything is worthless and i feel like no one would care. except for my mom, but somehow thats not enough. ive been thinking about making it look like an accident. and i don't know if this is weird, but i want to go on my birthday. thats how im going to celebrate my birthday this year. which means i don't have much time. i know no one wants another person to commit suicide. but, the fact is i have to. and i just want to make this as less painful as possible. would you have any advice on how i can make things less painful for those i leave behind? i hate asking advice on it, but id rather try my best to make things better than worse.