set a new record for myself...

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by austinhp78, Jan 29, 2008.

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  1. austinhp78

    austinhp78 Well-Known Member

    yay me... i managed to set a new record for myself on how many cuts in one sitting i have managed. i went from like 12 deepish ones with a razor to a lovely 57 small ones done by running the edge of a sharp knife against the area. i mean, its not like they're serious cuts or anything but like, once i started... i just kept going and had no sense of when i should stop. well i reaal proud of myself and i look ike i was in some sort of accident.. all over my let arm and on my thigh... oh joy... oh, and recently, after previously convincing myself that i would never feel hopeless cause "it wouldnt make any sense to feel that way", i have now slowly drifted right into that phase, and as a result, i now feel like i'm never going to have a social life, a love life, and all i want is either to fly through time so i can go to college and start anew or just die and end it quickly. just great...
  2. thedeafmusician

    thedeafmusician Staff Alumni

  3. justgettinby

    justgettinby Well-Known Member

    As one who just finished college, it can provide the chance to start all over. But it can also introduce pressures that can make you even worse. I mean, I started cutting during college because of the stress and drama. So you should try to improve things yourself, not wait for your environment to change. You can do it! I know it's hard...i'm still in the process of trying to keep from cutting. But the longer I've gone without it, the easier it's been. Good luck!
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

  5. austinhp78

    austinhp78 Well-Known Member

    oh joy, the plot only thickens. last night just made 17 nice, new, decent sized cuts into my leg with a razor. couldn't be more happy with myself. not to mention that i've been experimenting with burning as well. question... how deep are your cuts normally? cause i have no sense of my bad mine are right now. my issue is that i scar REALLY badly, really easily and as a result i have to do larger amounts of smaller cuts to get the same effect... :dry: just trying to get a sense of things...
  6. taranama

    taranama Well-Known Member

    Hey :hug:

    i'm in college, and although things do change, and to an extent its fantastic, but in so many other ways its rediculously difficult, pressure of exams and friends and everything like that.

    hang in there
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