New Years Eve 2009 I have tried and I have tried and I have tried. I have done EVERYTHING right. If I sat down with a counsellor and told him/her everything I had done, they'd look at me with a blank face because I have done everything I am supposed to do, to get over this depression and become a normal functional person. But yet still it isn't going right. I don't want to kill myself. I don't want to die - I want to live and I want things to go right. I am trying so f*cking hard yet I see no results. Everytime I try to set the wheels in motion, something stops them. I cannot live another year of misery, it's too much. I'm so sorry to those I will leave behind but I just can't do this anymore, it's too hard. So if nothing has improved by January 1st, I'm going to take an overdose and pretend to be hungover. I'll sleep for 12 hrs, my bedroom door will be locked. My family will just assume I'm hungover from new years so they won't check on me. By the time they realise they haven't seen me for 24 hrs, I'll be dead.