I'm sitting here at work and the day is almost over and I haven't done much today. In fact, I haven't really done much in the last few months. Like almost everything else in life, I hate my job. I call in sick a lot. When I'm here I don't do a lot of actual work. I'm waiting to get fired. My wife keeps telling me it's gonna happen. I'm not so sure that I'm bad enough to fire right now since the management here rarely fires anybody, but it's a real possibility. I don't care, but I should. My wife and kids depend on me to pay the bills, which we can't even do cause we spend way too much money. Credit card debt sucks by the way. It totally drains you month after month. But I don't really try to control our spending either, so it just gets worse and worse as time goes on. I feel like I want to put myself in so much debt and lose my ability to pay that debt so in my mind I can justify killing myself. And I can't, or maybe won't, do anything to prevent this from happening. I don't really want to die, but I think that's what I need to do to.