severe case of self hate

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by OutCaste, Jul 17, 2008.

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  1. OutCaste

    OutCaste Well-Known Member

    i think i am really done.

    i don't like anything about myself - the way i look,the way i talk, my reputation,my race, the religion i was born into.

    yesterday, i spent a whole day flaming against my own race on a different forum behind a fake id and i was truely feeling the hate then.

    but after a few hours, i realized how pathetic i am.

    i just don't want to live anymore.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 17, 2008
  2. DrowningInTears

    DrowningInTears Well-Known Member

    Are u in the US? this society is really dumb, the whole 'developed' world anyways. It will drive u crazy all the stuff they expect of u and expect u to be. They want me to have a job and do all this boring crap all day. Stuff that kills and tortures me the pointlessness. I know some religions expect you to follow very strict rituals that can compound this. it is like we are being herded as cattle. We're just more fodder for the economic war machine. how can you not hateyourself when u are part of this. i hate myself for being part of it.
     
  3. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Why should you hate yourself, I think your very intelligent especially from reading your posts on this forum and some of the threads you make and post in. You seem like a genuine person.
     
  4. OutCaste

    OutCaste Well-Known Member

    does it really matter ? seems like the racial crap in america is actually propogating to the whole world. not to mention garbage hiphop/rap culture. their media comes up with all these ridiculous racial surveys to denigrate and defame particular races. that induces self hatred in these people and they try to act like something they aren't. its destroying people and making them bitter. its the truth. i mean why do these media bastards keep flaming. to hell with these corporate bastards. why can't they let every race live peacefully.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 17, 2008
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I don't like myself either. I am uneducated, gotten fat, loseing my hair, haven't been a very good dad. I can keep adding to the list. My point is those are all negative thoughts. You need to start banking positive thoughts. They can be anything like: I got out of bed all by my self, I made breakfast.
    Do you see what I am talking about? it's up to you to set the goals. if you don't succeed with one just set it aside and come back later when you are fresh and try again. I know this sounds a little pathetic but it works. Eventually you will be setting harder goals to acheive as long as they are within reason. Please explore all angles to your depression. If you find an avenue that hasn't been explored proceed with caution,(remember you control yourself). Good Luck...:chopper:...
     
  6. OutCaste

    OutCaste Well-Known Member

    i try..and i have goals..this fall i am going back to school for masters inc omputer science..but this depression causes me to become extremely lazy and loose motivation...sometimes, i think i'm one of the laziest people in the world. i don't have any self discipline. can't get up in the morning even if i want to. i don't have alot of energy and my attention span isn't too good at this point. It hasn't been for about 4 years now. I cannot get over it, I was tormented beyond repair in college. i have lost all belief in god or anything good. and the situation in teh world makes me even more depressed, suicidal, spiteful !
     
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Do you have a therapist, or a shrink? they can better tell you how to get some of that motivation back. I know because they keep trying to motivate me. I have been an isolationist for 14 years. No input from the outside. I know you plan to go back to school, so my opinion is go with a therapist because they can teach you coping skills and how not to discount the positives.Good Luck to you and we are behind you.:chopper:.
     
  8. OutCaste

    OutCaste Well-Known Member

    no because i know the damage is irreparable. i can convince myself but i cannot shut everyone else's mouth. i cannot gouge their eyes for staring at me. i cannot stop them from spreading/propogating rumours about me. this is why visiting a doctor/therapist would just be a waste of money. there are certain stigmas you can't get rid off. i have fallen in my own eyes too.
    the world just seems so bad to me.
     
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