Sex Addiction

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I have had a sex addiction since the age of 10. I have always been able to feed the addiction, due to myself looking older than my age and also having a beyond my age mentality. I'm manipilitive, I've never had a actual normal relationship. To showcase this fact I will tell you about Holly.

Holly is a girl who I do not know what her last name is, her age, where she lives, how I met her or anything. This may be and probally is because I have memory problems as of late, she randomly shows up at my house somehow, I never see a car, and well, then I, for lack of a better word, 'eat' her out. She says that we cannot have sex because I am a addict, she knows because she herself is a addict that addicts cannot love. They lust, but they never love, and they just use them until the high isn't high enough. So it's common place she comes and goes for days, weeks, even months, then she comes back and I eat her out and typically she pleasures me, but never intercourse.

I only remember this because I wrote it down.

All my relationships turn physical, and the attempts I've made towards a regular relationship for kids my age fail. I either ignore them too completely or am too distant from them physically, which is caused directly by my fear of them becoming my heroin or booze.

I don't take drugs, at a young age I was occasionally I believe slipped acid tablets, and I was given morphine, however I do drink, but not much anymore. None of my family know of any of this, and no, I don't plan on telling any of them.

I have been celibant for awhile refusing alot of chances, about 5-6 months right now, and about ready to just say fuck it. Anyone have any advice? Experience? Whatever.
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