Sexual promiscuity after sexual trauma article

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by sofie, Jan 16, 2016.

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  1. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    I am not sure if linking to articles is permitted, but I really hope it is -- this article was sent to me by a friend with a message of "I love you and thought this would make a lot of sent to you" -- it does so much for me and I thought it might for others here. For me, there is a lot of shame surrounding the reality of what is discussed in the article which makes it hard to talk about it -- forwarded the article to my therapist to help me HAVE to talk about it....hope it helps someone else too.
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  2. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Thank you for linking that. It is in fact a serious and common issue that is nearly impossible for most to talk about and that so many do not understand.
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  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I was labelled a whore, tramp, slut etc.. for my raging promiscuity when I was a teen 13-14. I had sex with guys much much older than I . Got an STD, got pregnant. I was as bad as promiscuity comes. I know it stemmed from being raped at 12, I still have that awful name where I live, the only way I can get out of it is to move but for now, you know what, fuck them, who are they to judge something they know zilch about? Who gives them that right. I remember being called easy by my peers and another time ''why is your mother giving out to us just because you're a slut'', while I am responsible for what I do. The rapist has a hell of a lot to answer to. This makes me unsettled, talking about it is extremely hard. Thanks for posting this sofie, it's helped me realise a few things.
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  4. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    I am glad that you understand your actions stemmed from the rape. I am beginning to realize that, at least in part, is likely the case for me as well...that the abuse allowed me to respond by sleeping around and doing more and more risky things sexually. It is hard to say that because I fear people will view that as my blaming the abuse for my behavior which is why I bolded the second line....I did, as an adult, choose to sleep with each and every man that I have been with and I do not want to take away from the responsibility of that. The fact that I got an STD? That is all on me. The fact that I allowed men to do things to me in the name of BDSM that in any other light would be flat out abuse or rape? Again, all on me. I saw myself as being "free" with my sexuality and 'needing' the release offered by the physical pain of such activities and I chose to go into those situations. To say "it was the abuse" feels like a cop out....

    If I were not married now, this may not have come out now...or ever. When the impulse to do this surfaced this time, I did as I always do....find men to sleep conscience is not letting me proceed with that but the crazy thoughts and beliefs continue. I thought I had 'conquered' the abuse in my twenties, but at that time I was in a lesbian relationship. When that ended I went into asexual mode for a few years and then slut mode for a couple years before meeting my husband....this is the first time, I have experienced sex long-term with a man and it is messing with my head so badly....

    Argh...the abuse damaged me.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    It is easy to just say that but it might just be the brutal truth. You did what you felt was ''right'', ''acceptable'' and it's your body you can do what you like. For me, I felt like I was outside my own body while having sex with guys of 30 when I was 14. The STD? My fault entirely. I didn't even enjoy the sex so I was only doing it because i wanted someone to take notice of me,i wanted to feel love, but there's just no turning back now you so must live in the present. Practise mindfulness. It's not a cop out, its the truth. I have BPD which has the symptom of promiscuity too so for me it was a mixture of that and the rape. I'll always have a bad name in some people eyes, but I don't care. I haven't even had sex since 2014, I have found a new me thanks to professional help and I now admire myself and have morals. I cannot change the past but I can predict the future.
  6. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    Same here....I never do but I somehow felt (feel?) validated by sex. WIth my husband it is different...I wish I could learn to completely enjoy being intimate with him but even with him I check out a lot of the time. But I do not feel the shame and compulsion about sex with him so that alone allows me to enjoy the closeness with him. I have never had that kind of intimacy with a is pretty scary sometimes.
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Seems like you are handling it well though and you know everything that's going on, you're well aware. This is a subject never spoken about in real life however in saying that I did tell my last bf about it and it didn't bother him. I do not have the promiscuity issues are longer, only when I was a teen before I stopped leaving the house and again in 2010 when I was in N.I for 3 months, I had sex with a lot of guys. why? I do not know and some of my relatives have been avoiding me like the plague since then. I'm crying now, that's all I can say. I'd like to ask though have you told your husband about what's going on?
  8. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    OMG NO -- how do you explain to your husband "Hey I have a compulsion to screw a bunch of men"

    I am sorry this subject has made you so sad -- big hug to you.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 16, 2016
  9. Purple_Thorn

    Purple_Thorn Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much for linking this article. It definitely applies to my life right now. So thank you!
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  10. booklovr

    booklovr Well-Known Member

    ......Lynnie?Fuck the people.Fuck what they say.and Fuck the bastard.
    Why are you even living in that godforsaken village anymore?
    You are a brilliant Effervescent and amazing person.first life fucked at U and then stupid stupid people ...but U battled them headon.
    U sent fate which made the mistake of messing with you crying back legs.
    In my distress I will always think of you look up to you and inspire strength from you.
    I feel honoured to have known you.
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