Sexual relationship with my roommate? (D/s)

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Aphorism, Oct 17, 2013.

  1. Aphorism

    Aphorism Well-Known Member

    Some background:

    So, say my roommate is named Amanda. We have known each other for less than 2 years, and have only been friends for one year. We became roommates at the beginning of this fall semester on request. As you can imagine, we've grown pretty close in that short span of time.

    Amanda has always claimed to be straight. I have been fairly upfront with her, and the rest of our group of friends, about my bisexuality. And in our jokes with each other, I would "hit on her" or comment on how I thought she was attractive. Because of two unfortunate incidents with boys last year (both of them said they were interested in her, but then did not follow through) and her inexperience (she is a virgin, has only really ever made out with a guy)--she thinks she's just totally average, even below average. It is frustrating, of course, to be her roommate when she has such a low opinion of herself. Especially when I'm fairly attracted to her.

    Despite this, Amanda is typically comfortable with her body being out. She had no problem, even before we moved in, with being around me in her bra and underwear. And after the first two weeks of college, we started sleeping in the same bed together. (Generally we are both only wearing panties.) Of course, I developed a crush on Amanda. Or maybe I've always had one on her? I don't really know. I have hinted this toward her many times, though.

    This is where somehow the sexual stuff started, after we got into college:

    In a way that wasn't serious, I asked her to take nudes for me. And she started to do so, on my old iPhone that I no longer use. She has the password to the phone, but is going to give it to me later. She has shown me the thumbnails...they're real nudes. Then one day I asked her to spank me for being naughty, and of course now this has become somewhat of a regular thing. It escalated, I guess. Also, somehow, we started this "joke" about me tying her up and "doing stuff" to her. I said to her one day, "The safe word will be yellow." Then one day, she did it to me. She had this piece of thick string and tied my hands to the bed post. She teased me while wearing only panties. But despite all of this--when I ask her if she would let me do sexual things to her, she says no. She won't even really let me kiss her.

    And because of all of this sexual confusion and weird tension, last Saturday, I finally told her. I told Amanda how I felt about her. I had been hanging out with people on the floor, drinking a little. I finally went back into the room, where Amanda already seemed to be sleeping. I got in next to her, even though she had been quiet since we had gotten home. We were in bed for while, and I felt like I needed to tell her. I just barely whispered. "I like you, I like you a lot and I don't think you like me the same way." And I told her I needed to know if I was right. We were both crying after a while until she said yes, that I was right. I like her more than she likes me, and this thing that we're doing can't be a relationship. She said another reason it can't happen is because we're roommates. That just seems wrong to her.

    But since Saturday...she has tied me up three different times. She has learned about twisting my nipples and biting me, and everything she does to tease me is above the waist. But it's weird, because she likes being dominant to me. Even though she has no sexual experience, she is very good at this. I don't understand how any of it even arose. I don't know what's going on.

    Our relationship is also pretty intimate, non sexually.

    I tend to buy things for her, take care of her, do favors for her. She does them for me in return. I read to her sometimes, because it helps her fall asleep. (We started this before we moved in to college.) Since we started sharing the same bed, at night we cuddle and hold hands. We express a lot of affection for each other in subtle ways...

    What I need help on:

    1. Understanding the situation...it is very weird. Do you think it's unhealthy?
    2. Do you think she could still be straight, but is just very curious?
    3. What should I do?
     
  2. Ann

    Ann Well-Known Member

    I read your post and I was touched by your situation. I realize you wrote this few months ago and I hope the situation evolved.

    When I read you, I can only see that your friend seems unsure about her feelings toward you. It is one thing to proclaim your sexual orientation when you did not have any relationship and another to discover relationships.

    Her attitude shows that she doesn't want to lose you and that she is attracted to you. Though, she might need time to come to term with this attraction. Plus, attraction doesn't always mean love. So don't rush things. Either way you can take advantage of what she gives you and see where it goes or, if you feel it could damage you, you can ask her to stop next time she ties you up and hope that she will miss your intimacy and accept her attraction toward you.
     
  3. Ann

    Ann Well-Known Member

    I read your post and I was touched by your situation. I realize you wrote this few months ago and I hope the situation evolved.

    When I read you, I can only see that your friend seems unsure about her feelings toward you. It is one thing to proclaim your sexual orientation when you did not have any relationship and another to discover relationships.

    Her attitude shows that she doesn't want to lose you and that she is attracted to you. Though, she might need time to come to term with this attraction. Plus, attraction doesn't always mean love. So don't rush things. Either way you can take advantage of what she gives you and see where it goes or, if you feel it could damage you, you can ask her to stop next time she ties you up and hope that she will miss your intimacy and accept her attraction toward you.
     
  4. SuicideSam

    SuicideSam Banned Member

    Your roommate is experimenting and confused about her sexuality, possibly in denial about her attraction to you. Allot of people are afraid of the stigma associated with being gay or bisexial. I hope everything turned out allright between you and her :)