SF Is All I Have

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by fromthatshow, May 19, 2009.

  1. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    So I've been making a bunch of threads lately and instead of keep posting new threads in this constant crisis I decided I'd make this one thread and continue to post here. And post here instead of diaries because I need someone to respond even with just a hug emote or something. Just so that I know I still exist.

    When I talk to people anywhere else online or in real life, I get nothing usually. Not even a response. I don't understand.

    But I have this place, and I know that, and I love you guys. So I'll be posting here a lot because I'll be home a lot. There are too many pills that tempt me here. My mom won't lock them up because she doesn't care and I won't hide them because I am so tempted.

    No one has ever told me I'd be better off dead. The friends that I do have (when they're around, and that I might be losing just because my depression is always so bad) tell me they want me around. You guys tell me suicide is not the answer and want me around. So if I'm going to be staying around, I need support. And late at night when those pills tempt me I need to know that someone still cares. I need to post here and get some kind of response.

    So that's what's up with me. :sf:
  2. Jack Rabbit

    Jack Rabbit Well-Known Member

    You're still here. I think you might be surprised by the colors care comes in.I wasn't suicidal when I was a child (at least as far as I remember) even though I was not happy. But I am a parent and I believe that your parent's problem is a lack of belief, not of care.I wish you didn't feel alone. :sadwave:
  3. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    I kind of feel the same way. All in all...if that's all we have, it's not so bad. I've made some pretty good contacts and friends here. There's usually some intelligent or funny thread and it keeps me occupied.

    If I wasn't looking around in here, I'd probably be sitting around depressed or at the very least having another boring therapy session.

    Oh...and yes, you still exist :hug:
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Oh Spencer you do exist. You're on my friend list (lol) so you must be here. Glad that you have found something that will help you over the next while. The one thing I find the hardest is when you really need someone to talk to, with the time differences it is sometimes so hard to find a friend to talk to. But hang in there hun cuz you have so many you should be able to find one anytime of day here. Loves ya!!
  5. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    Hey, were kinda a jigsaw of people, but there are many nice people here.
    I started a kind of interacive blog here to.
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    *hugs* You exist, and we care about you.
  7. Poorlaggedman

    Poorlaggedman Active Member

    You're not the only one who nobody responds to, at least online. Seriously whats so hard about responding on myspace you know once in a while? :rolleyes: Especially if its a direct question about something maybe semi important.
  8. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter


    thanks for the responses everyone. You make me feel loved. I'll post here more I'm sure :grouphug:
  9. poisonedresistance

    poisonedresistance Well-Known Member


    couldnt find anymore!!!!!!!! hope your smiling though!
  10. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    :hug: Spence

    Always here if you need an ear :)
  11. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    hey spence, thats what sf is for, to be that support hen something tempts you if you need an ear please dont hesitate to come to me :hug:
  12. BioHomocide

    BioHomocide Well-Known Member

    Awww hon that's so sad people neglect you like that. :hug:

    The worst feeling is the feeling of abandonment. Even the people who say they love you sometimes only say it cause it's easier to say I love you rather then showing it. Well anyways that's just how I feel and I hope you feel better.
  13. Samsara

    Samsara Well-Known Member

    Man, You've been a good friend to me since I first joined SF. You're far too prescious to lose <3
  14. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    ((GREAT BIG HUG)) Spencer.. If you need to talk, i'm usually around different times..:mortd:
  15. Mandy1

    Mandy1 Antiquities Friend & Senior Member

    Thinking of you :console:
  16. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Thank you so much
  17. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I walked back in to my house planning my overdose and remembered I had band practice, and a show tomorrow. So I thought, alright, I won't kill myself tonight :laugh:. Maybe this weekend. I can't stand another day of this nothingness. I really intend to end it, and no hospital, counselor, or girl can save me.
    Maybe a real life friendship, if I had a true friend. If I would allow myself to have a true friend. But how can I develop friendship in this state? All I can do is take. I suppose there are people out there who only give. Maybe that would make for a good match.
    But one more night like this and I'm out :mortd:

    I still love you guys though :sf:
  18. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    I hope something happens to change your mind.
    Here if you need anything.
  19. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Tonight after the show, when the loneliness hits. When the pills do their seductive dance. I'm going to come here and post because I know I don't have to kill myself. I have friends and people that care here.
    :love: and I'm so grateful to you guys.
    Logging on is a good alternative to overdosing.
  20. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    Glad you'll be here posting. It can help to talk to people that you know care about you.