The last few months have been stressful to put it mildly. First I get into a car crash. I got hit by a semi-truck. The left side of my door was smashed up, I last my driver's side rearview mirror, the entire upper driver's seat door had to be replaced. I was inches away from getting killed. If it had gone a few more feet to the right it would have been much worse. Then on my way to Cross Country practice I misjudge the distance between me and another car and when I go for it I nearly got T-boned, and it would have been my fault. Then a kid at my school brings several weapons to school including a gun, and shoots up the ceiling of the room he was in. A guy tackled him and the gun went off. Nobody was hurt, but I was in the same hallway. I literally walked past the guy minutes before. I was in the men's lockeroom changing for PE when it happened. I was literally 20 feet away. Because of my abuse of Adderall during last semester, I've been on various different meds, and I'm still adjusting to Vyvance, a different stimulant. It's not at the dose I need yet, so I've had a hard time concentrating in class. I've just been overwhelmed lately. I had a nervous breakdown in school. I went to the nurse office and I just lost it. That's never happened to me before. Usually I can handle it, but the other day I just snapped. I dropped a class for a study hall so I could catch up on homework and keep my grades up. But I've just been really stressed out and overwhelmed lately. I have a person I can talk to, and she has helped me a great deal. Though it's a bit awkward for me. Because I have feelings for her, but she has a boyfriend, she's a senior and I know its never going to be more than friendship. She doesn't know I feel this way, and she's not going to know, there's no point. It seems I have a crush on every girl lately. I've even thought about dating freshmen, and I'm a Junior. I'm desperate for a relationship. It's more than the typical horny teenage boy sort of need. I just feel like there's something missing in me that only a girl can fill. I don't know if that makes sense. It doesn't make sense to me. Nothing lately has made sense.