Shambles

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by t1000, Apr 12, 2007.

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  1. t1000

    t1000 Member

    I am new here...so, hello.

    I am hopeless. The only thing that calms me down when I am crying is when I think about killing myself. I just think about how I can, I obsess over it. I can't get it out of my head.

    Everything I see, I look at how it can be turned into a death trap for myself. I wish some freak accident would happen to me, just to me, nobody else. I don't think I can do it myself.

    I can't use the gun, it'd be my dad's. I don't want him to feel responsible, even though last time we spoke he told me I was going to wind up in a trailer with 6 illegitimate kids. They just found out I am not a virgin. I'm in college, they think my freedom caused it, although I had lost it years before to a long term boyfriend.

    They think college is the reason, so they aren't going to help me out anymore. They have completely cut me off. I have no job, no car and not much money. I just lost my scholarship because I have been too depressed, I can't go to class.

    There is so much wrong with me and so much going on in my life, this is only the tip of the ice burg. I don't know what to do anymore.

    I have 2 exams tomorrow, I can't study, I can barely breathe.

    I don't know why I'm posting this. This is futile.
     
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Maybe you posted because you are reaching out for some help, or hope.

    I certainly don't believe that your situation is futile, because there is always hope for people.

    Have you been to a doctor about how you feel? They can do a lot to help you. They can open up a world of help and support.

    If you have already been to the doctors, then go back, because you are clearly not getting enough help and support.

    Also, it might be worth you talking to your tutors at college about how bad things are. They too can do a lot to help, with things like extensions, allowances and stuff like that.

    It sounds like your parents have reacted badly to a situation, probably because they don't understand it. They might have reacted out of fear, or confusion. Could you maybe write them a letter to try and explain?

    Hang in there and keep fighting
     
  3. Erebos

    Erebos Well-Known Member

    Your college should have counseling services. Please look into them. I fully understand how these persistent thoughts can steal your very soul away.
     
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