I am new here...so, hello. I am hopeless. The only thing that calms me down when I am crying is when I think about killing myself. I just think about how I can, I obsess over it. I can't get it out of my head. Everything I see, I look at how it can be turned into a death trap for myself. I wish some freak accident would happen to me, just to me, nobody else. I don't think I can do it myself. I can't use the gun, it'd be my dad's. I don't want him to feel responsible, even though last time we spoke he told me I was going to wind up in a trailer with 6 illegitimate kids. They just found out I am not a virgin. I'm in college, they think my freedom caused it, although I had lost it years before to a long term boyfriend. They think college is the reason, so they aren't going to help me out anymore. They have completely cut me off. I have no job, no car and not much money. I just lost my scholarship because I have been too depressed, I can't go to class. There is so much wrong with me and so much going on in my life, this is only the tip of the ice burg. I don't know what to do anymore. I have 2 exams tomorrow, I can't study, I can barely breathe. I don't know why I'm posting this. This is futile.