Well sadly made an attempt last night, obviously failed due to physical demands of impulsively chosen method and depressed body and mind being unable to complete. So slightly injured but alive, don't know if this is good or bad thing. Just so up and down, when down suicidal urges and hopelessness so overwhelming and unbearable. Feel so ashamed about attempting. Also ashamed that I feel this way and can't get over problems which in the grand scheme of things ain't that bad. Should be able to move on with life like "normal people" do. Oh well pretty self indulgent stuff really, just gotta get on with the day and keep trying.