I want to get something shameful off my chest; I think there's something VERY wrong with me. I'm so worried about others are going to think when they read this. When I was a little girl I used to have thoughts about being violated. I used to think about them in bed at night. Even when I grew to be a teenager I still had fantasies of rape. I'd walk down the street and wish someone would rape me. How sick. It's so horrible to admitt this. Now I'm married to a wonderful man. Been married to him for about 12 years. Still I find the idea of being dominated exciting..but I feel guilty and ashamed. I've spoken to hubby about it (He and I are very open with each other) and we've tried to figure out what's going on with me but neither of have any ideas. I was molested my a female cousin when I was probably about 8. Then I was raped when I was 19 by an ex teacher. I really need to talk to someone about this. It's embarassing, bewildering and I just don't understand it. Can someone help?