Share Your Paranoid Thoughts

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Samara, Aug 3, 2012.

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  1. Samara

    Samara Account Closed

    A thread like this has probably been done in the past, but I haven't seen a thread with this kind of name, though there are threads with people talking about it. Another thread reminded me of this idea, because my post relates to paranoid responses to an intruder.

    Personally I have a lot of paranoia that someone is going to come into my place, when I am unaware of it, and by the time I realize it, it's too late.

    This very same paranoia, at times makes it hard for me to shower (because showering distracts me, and drowns out any sounds I would otherwise hear when awake). Countless times, like into the thousands now, I would open the curtain of the shower to check over and over that someone hadn't opened the bathroom door without me realizing. The same thing was true when my family renovated their bathroom to have sliding doors...again, I opened it many times to check. I never really have a shower where I don't check multiple times in-between rinsing, to ensure that nobody is there.

    Sometimes I even fear that someone will shoot through the bathroom door, thus hitting me in the shower... sometimes I fear that someone will shoot through the bathroom window, which at one family members house, happens to be in the shower... sort of like, they can get to me, even if they don't come through the door...

    Sometimes it makes it hard for me to do other things, like playing on a keyboard I have... because then I could easily get wrapped up in that, and not realize someone has come in the house.

    Sometimes it has stopped me watching TV too, because again, the noises from the TV in my head, are capable of drowning out the sounds of a very silent intruder.

    Many times I don't go to bed over that same fear... or are unable to sleep alone (I.E. without someone else in the house somewhere).

    Sometimes I hear noises and think that must be someone in the house, then go investigate, with my heart racing, to see if what I think is true...

    The same reason, I don't really sleep with the lights off, though lately, I have been alright... I still always have a laptop next to my face, and its always on. I never turn it off.

    The other place I lived in, when I lived with family, there was a dog. This dog would sometimes growl or bark for no apparent reason; obviously this would freak me out... and I'd try to figure out where I could hide in my room that'd make them (the intruder) believe I wasn't actually in the room at all.

    I'd also be afraid to sit on the couch to watch tv, because it meant that my back was turned away... someone could easily come behind me, without me realizing it, if I was paying attention to something in front of me.

    This seems to be the biggest paranoia in my life, and has been there for a long time. It comes and goes in intensity too.

    Another separate paranoia is that people I know are going to try and have sex with me, sort of unwanted sex, from family members or just anyone around. Just afraid of being put into that scenario. It's more of a paranoia though, because of how I handle it, I handle it much like the above situation as well, during the night time. I often think about scenarios, or what I would do, or how it would go down etc.... But obviously not something that's happening. Yet I still sit there paranoid about it.

    I would like it if others shared too, but that's ok if it's too personal of a thing for others to share. :)
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 3, 2012
  2. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    My biggest paranoia is thinking that everybody hates me, or that the people who like me are going to stop liking me. I'm not afraid of people sneaking up on me or breaking into my house though, because even if they catch me off guard, I'm pretty confident in my ability to subdue them. Even if they're armed and I'm not. I have this irrational belief that I'm invincible. It's funny when people say 'sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me'. Sticks and stones don't phase me. My bones cannot be broken. But words? Words hurt. A lot. Unfortunately, my body is much stronger than my heart. I wish it was the other way around.
  3. Samara

    Samara Account Closed

    Yeah I have that paranoia too, about people just not liking me. I was asked if I want to come back to work, after being fired. I just said that I think people hate me. My boss thinks that's irrational, but I seriously do think that everyone there must hate me, and can't stand me, and probably doesn't want to work with me. All, of course, ideas I formed in my head with my paranoia that people will always dislike me and think I am "weird" no matter what. That people just basically see my face, and don't like me.

    I'm also very paranoid about having to confront problems at work for the same reason, because then I feel people will hate me or think that I am just this tattle tale of some sort.

    Paranoia about what people think is intense, and has personally led me down a very tedious and hurtful path, wherein I basically think that I am not even welcome on this planet, and that the fact that I am alive is a burden to others.

    I am also paranoid that people are talking about me, and divulging my details to people that I don't want anything to do with. I feel like even though I have cut some people out of my life, that perhaps information still gets back to them, but I don't feel like they deserve to know about someone they abandoned. I get very paranoid about it, to the extent where I ignore my own sister, out of the paranoid fear that she is probably divulging my "secrets" to those people. Don't feel safe, because of it. Don't feel secure.

    Even if people did know things, it's just paranoia talking that I am bothered by such a thing to begin with, when I don't even speak to those people either. LOL
  4. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    Yep, I know what you mean.

    Just so you know, I don't dislike you. Yeah, I took your previous post a little personally. But I understand why you feel the way you do. I was just trying to present my case. Because I don't like being judged, and yes I am paranoid enough to take something like that personally. Not that I think you directed it at me specifically, but I felt that you were directing it at "people like me"... and we're not all alike.

    You're not weird. Or at least, if you are, I'm weird too, because I have those same thoughts. And I'm sure there are other people here who feel the same way.
  5. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser alive.

    I feel convinced that my depression is the worst amongst anyone else in the world and that eventual suicide will be the only solution. Many people say that "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem", but my problem really is permanent. I feel that even the most expert of mental health professionals wouldn't be able to cure me and they would be stumped and baffled. I know its quite a stretch, considering I am one out of over 7 billion people and out of many others suffering from depression, for only mine to be the worst out of all of them?

    So I am utterly positive that no amount of treatment can help me. I may as well just flush the money down a drain than visit these doctors. Maybe the therapy and talking and medicine would help only for a couple of days, but then my depression would overpower and come roaring back. I've really just about given all hope of ever getting better. I'm sure these doctors and support groups and medicines can help everyone else, but just not me. I am the sole, special case in the entire world where my long-term depression has built up this very strong immunity and can never be broken. Only a bullet to the head will stop all this pain.

    I feel that everyone else has the potential to be cured and have a "happy ending" eventually, but only I will get the "sad ending". I think that only I should commit suicide, but nobody else should do that, ever. I would stop them from doing it, but want to do it so badly myself! Even for those that have gone through things worse than me, such as neglect, abandonment, abuse, rape, etc. These people will eventually overcome but I won't be able to. What I've gone through is high amounts of bullying in school as a child and then probably because of that, extreme isolation and addiction to TV, computers, videogames, etc. Although, everyone reacts differently to different amounts of stress and trauma.

    It makes me feel even worse considering I've had a cushy life compared to many people (no physical or sexual abuse from family, no financial problems, etc.) and yet I will sit here and let my depression consume me whereas these others will break free of their supposedly heavier chains.
  6. BrinkOfExistence

    BrinkOfExistence Well-Known Member

    People not liking me, specifically people I like, I couldn't give a damn if someone I had no interest in didn't like me. Fortunately there's an incredibly small minority of people who I like enough to feel paranoid about, I mean at the moment there's only one person I feel paranoid around, it's so bad I'm thinking about quitting my work placement because the paranoia is getting so intense, "does this person like me? I can't tell".
  7. SaraRose

    SaraRose Well-Known Member

    Samara I know what you mean. At work I'm always looking around wondering if the people are talking about me. It's not totally unfounded cuz I've heard of some of the stuff people say about me. But still I'm just constantly paranoid and while I'll smile at my co-workers at the same time I just stare and wonder what they are saying about me.

    I also can't stand having to talk to them cuz I know if I do then I'll be seen as the bad one, which will lead to more 'talking' about me. It's just something that doesn't stop.
  8. letty

    letty Banned Member

    the paranoid thoughts i have are i am being talked about by my friends, it gets so bad that i start trying to put two and two together, thinking they realy are plotting or saying things about me, another paranoid thought is i am going to die like my mom unable to speak and be in pain and people
    watching me die, i have a paranoid feeling that because of the HIV people dont want to talk to me or respond to my posts . there are so many more,
    its hell
  9. GreyCat

    GreyCat Well-Known Member

    That people at work know that there is something wrong with me, and are discussing it with each other. Awful.
  10. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I'm paranoid about so many things...that people are talking behind my back, that they are laughing at me or really don't have my best interests in mind. This didn't come out of nowhere...I was bullied and excluded in school, so that made me have a great distrust in most people. I hope someday I can learn to trust again.
  11. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    Rahul... I have read many of your posts here. And I am convinced that you are a good person. :) I believe you are suffering from situational depression because you don't feel that you are able or deserving of a normal, happy life. I don't think that you need pills or therapy sessions, what I think you need is confidence in yourself. You say you've had a "cushy" life and that may be true, but I can still fully understand your pain even though my life has been no where near as cushy. You feel rejected and that is a horrible feeling. That isn't something that a "cushy" lifestyle can ever make up for. But I have read enough of your posts to see that you are a kind, intelligent guy and I believe that you absolutely are deserving of love, happiness and social acceptance. In fact I would say that you are more deserving of happiness than I am.
  12. Jimbojak

    Jimbojak Member

    What scares me most is the possibility I could find myself locked in a mental institution like my father. He was bipolar and occasionally had to be dragged away when the manic episodes hit. Those nights were a living nightmare and the months after were even worse. He lost his job, his house ( which he was renting from his brother ) and any dignity he had left. I'm paranoid that I'll lose control like that and ruin my reputation.
  13. pppqp

    pppqp Well-Known Member

    probably they're not just paranoid thoughts but the truths. i'm one of the most annoying ppl in the world. my constant worries are: 1) i'm annoying the crap out of those around me again 2) that i'm not good, not capable enough and i've disappointed everyone especially my boss 3) that everyone dislikes/hates me

    my pdoc also told me that i was worried about every freaking thing and it seemed like i had to continue taking Clorazepate for a long time for my anxiety.
  14. Samara

    Samara Account Closed

    Add that to my list of paranoia as well, as my family literally once spoke to a nurse regarding this, to see if they could force me to go into an institution. They also frequently asked me if I would go myself, and frequently suggested that. There's nothing quite like being threatened with such a thing, and made to feel like I truly am insane and should be locked away... because I am just "THAT" abnormal.
  15. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    I guess I share some of that same paranoia and that was one of the reasons why I bought guns. But with all of the home invasions that you hear about on the news, it's not exactly paranoia. I think the world is becoming a scarier place to live in. Could your paranoia be based on something that happened to you, possibly as a child? Just make sure you lock your windows and doors before having a shower, so you wouldn't have to keep opening the shower curtains while having a shower. I put on high security deadbolts on my doors to keep intruders out.
  16. Samara

    Samara Account Closed

    I do lock the doors, and even bring a phone in. I still do everything I said, even with that knowledge....
  17. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    Yes, that stuff does happen... and you do hear about it in the news a lot... but do you realize how many people there are in the world? The actual odds of that happening to you are slim, unless you live in a really bad neighborhood, or flaunt your wealth to people who see you as an easy target to steal from, etc. I have lived in some bad areas, and I have never been the victim of a robbery or home invasion. I have known people who were, and it is always a possibility. But where I live now, there are over 700 homes in my neighborhood... even if somebody decided to break into a home here, that's a 1 in 700 chance that it's going to happen to me. Take into consideration the fact that I keep my doors locked, I own a gun, I don't own a lot of valuables, my property is not exactly upscale in comparison to some of my neighbors, I live on a well lit street, I'm almost always home, I have a security system sign outside of my house... quite honestly, only a complete idiot would break into my house. There is nothing here worth stealing, especially not worth risking their lives over... when I have neighbors with nicer, fancy houses, big screen TVs that are visible from their front windows, etc.; if I was a criminal, my house would be very low on the list of potential targets. The nicest thing I own is my car, and it is kept hidden away in my garage. Probably the second nicest thing I own is my gun. Intruders beware. This house is not worth breaking into.

    You want to know what's paranoid? Paranoid is my belief that a large group of people are going to try to stage an armed uprising against my government, heavily armed conspiracy theorist right wing domestic terrorists... that scares me a lot more than some random crackhead looking to steal my 10 year old television. I'm paranoid that the U.S. is chock full of gun toting extremist nutjobs. And you know what they say, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em... or at least make sure you have enough firepower to defend yourself against them.

    I know that's a completely farfetched and paranoid thought, though... just as paranoid as their thought that the government is abducting them to implant chips into their brains, or whatever the hell they believe. And just as paranoid and farfetched as my belief that the human species is headed on the fast track towards extinction, probably within my lifetime. It's kind of funny that I fear crazy people when I myself am something of a crazy person. I kind of think we're all crazy, in a way. I don't just mean the people on this forum. I mean everybody. Humankind is fucking insane, and if we don't clean up our act, we will end up destroying ourselves.

    That's my paranoid thought of the day. :)
  18. Sais

    Sais Well-Known Member

    People secretly hate my guts. And they talk to each other about it, behind my back.
  19. BornFree

    BornFree Well-Known Member

    That people also hate me & then tell they everyone else so they start hating me too, that one day I will wake up alone & homeless. The last few months I have been convinced Im being followed.
    I have stopped talking to people as I know they will be happier without me or when Im gone it wont hurt them as much...
  20. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    If Obama doesn't want trouble with those militia groups, then he shouldn't introduce tough gun laws. They just wouldn't stand for it or God-forbid, one of those 'gun nuts' may try to assassinate him. I know there have already been threats on Obama's life. On a lighter note, I think today is Obama's birthday. Happy 51st birthday Barrack Obama! :laugh:
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