My husband wants me to tell him more.
It's a fair thing to ask I guess. He says he worries when I'm doing poorly, though I haven't really seen evidence of that.
I'm not quite sure what he wants me to tell him. I don't know if he knows what 'more' looks like. He knows I'm depressed, that I have a lot of self-hatred. He knows I come to a forum about mental health stuff. I definitely haven't told him the name of this place. I don't think he would snoop, but, I don't want him to know the name, suicide forum, too many questions might come up. I've never told him about having suicidal thoughts. I've been flirting with self harm a bit, but I don't think he's noticed, or if he has he hasn't said anything.
He has a hard time empathizing with depression, he deals with things by DOING, so it's foreign to him. I don't know if he understands how it works, really. I am ashamed of myself, on paper my life should be good. And a lot of the things I struggle with just sound ridiculous if I try to say them out loud. I can just imagine someone saying 'Wait, you want to kill yourself because of THAT?' I say it to myself. I don't know if I could deal with it if that were his reaction. And he's one of those people who wants to just offer a solution. Which I rarely want to hear from him in this instance.
I dunno. I'm not sure if I am looking for something in writing this, just kinda needed to get it out.
It's a fair thing to ask I guess. He says he worries when I'm doing poorly, though I haven't really seen evidence of that.
I'm not quite sure what he wants me to tell him. I don't know if he knows what 'more' looks like. He knows I'm depressed, that I have a lot of self-hatred. He knows I come to a forum about mental health stuff. I definitely haven't told him the name of this place. I don't think he would snoop, but, I don't want him to know the name, suicide forum, too many questions might come up. I've never told him about having suicidal thoughts. I've been flirting with self harm a bit, but I don't think he's noticed, or if he has he hasn't said anything.
He has a hard time empathizing with depression, he deals with things by DOING, so it's foreign to him. I don't know if he understands how it works, really. I am ashamed of myself, on paper my life should be good. And a lot of the things I struggle with just sound ridiculous if I try to say them out loud. I can just imagine someone saying 'Wait, you want to kill yourself because of THAT?' I say it to myself. I don't know if I could deal with it if that were his reaction. And he's one of those people who wants to just offer a solution. Which I rarely want to hear from him in this instance.
I dunno. I'm not sure if I am looking for something in writing this, just kinda needed to get it out.