I had a dream last night that I was on a ship, it was big and moldy, an air of eerie and strange comfort pervaded it. I was sitting in a small room with only a table and chairs in it, with a few people who shall go unnamed. It was… strange, and I remember one of the people in the room doing something, or showing us something that was extremely depressing and triggering, and just… everyone began to hurt themselves… it was the most horrifying thing. Just… needles and safety pins and razors all over the place and the metallic warm smell of blood was just… overwhelming. And I remember screaming, crying, pleading with everyone to stop but they wouldn’t and I had to start and it felt so good, just like a hot rush of relief, like a wave of numbing pain and my arm was painted red and I felt so good but so, so fucking empty on the inside, just this small room on a boat filled with blood, my blood, and I was drained and finally, finally content. It was the single most horrifying and disturbing dream I've ever had, and I've been considering stopping my sleep medication because of it. I can't fall asleep because I might have it again. I don't want to go back to SI, I've been clean a month, but if I have to, I will.