I've been getting better. Been feeling better. Finally working again and making new friends. then all of a sudden out.of nowhere I'm back to.being me. Depressed and not knowing why. Googling ways.to die. Trying different pills to see if one will make me sleep and never wake up. I'm not trying to die but im not aiming to live. It's an awkward battle in my mind. And I.don't.know which side will live. My therapist is.no help. my girlfriend don't understand. I Have nowhere to turn. I'm scared I'm going to act.on impulse one day.and that thought makes me both happy and sad.