She called the COPS on me!?

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by MsBookLover, Dec 3, 2013.

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  1. MsBookLover

    MsBookLover Member

    For the past few days, thoughts have been popping into my head all day long. Not good thoughts either. I will be sitting at home watching something in TV and bam, like a bomb being dropped, I have a thought about killing myself. It's hard to explain any other way. Just something that hits me, unannounced and unforgiving. I try to put the thoughts aside like they(past mental health professionals) have taught me to do, but they persist. Unforgiving. I have had only a couple hours of sleep the past 3 days. I go to bed after putting my daughter to bed after her midnight medication and bottle. I lie there for hours, usually till 0400 or so. Then I have to get up with my daughter at 0600 for another round of her heart medication and feeding. The reason I can't sleep-thoughts. Intrusive and persistent, dark and depressing. I try to "acknowledge that the thoughts are normal and okay, that they exist and then set then aside" but they do not stay on the wayside. They come back as soon as I mentally shelve them. They seem to simply change and multiply. I eventually made them stop. I was having a weak moment and did something I regret. Now that I've opened that door I feel like I'm falling. I bruised my leg bad. Over the few days I have inflicted more harm than what used to take me a month. So I decided to call a mental health crisis hotline for veterans. Can u believed the LINE WAS BUSY? It was busy all day. So I called my mental health clinic and told them about my thoughts and self harm. The lady was really nice and asked a lot of questions so I thought she really was listening. Then while I am talking to her a sheriff pulls in my driveway. I started shaking and instantly thought I was going to throw up. I couldn't believe she called them. I told her I had no intention of acting on the thoughts. Why would she call them!? She layer(in her office) explained that my self harm and thoughts worried her and she felt that she had to make sure I was safe. I was like "what part of 'I am not going to act on them' do u not understand?" She apologized, but now I feel like I cannot trust her. How can I be honest and open with her now? How do I know she won't hospitalize me the next time I bruise or cut myself?
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 3, 2013
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I am so very sorry to hear this happened. What a HORRIBLE feeling. Are you on medication for intrusive thoughts? I do hope so. Because it is too much to try to manage that witout some well prescribed medications, if you know what I mean. Also, I do not know if you are aware of this, but lack of sleep can bring these thoughts on much more readily.

    This woman who you spoke with, she is not your regular therapist, right? Can you call your regular therapist? Again, I am so very sorry that happened to you. Its such a deep violation of trust... when you are most in need :hug:
  3. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    This is why I will not call hotlines anymore, I had the cops called on me too. I honestly believe in this case though, that she probably had your best interest at heart, just jumped the gun in calling. I don't know what to tell you about how you can trust her again.... in truth, I think you can trust her to care about you, just not to always know what the best thing for you may or may not be. Do you have anyone else you can turn to?
  4. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    All such places have checklists of questions and points for responses and at a certain number of points they are required to call for assistance. There is very little that is subjective in their decision making. In this particular case I am guessing (pure guessing) that being a primary caregiver for a sick child tilts the scale a little more- if you were to hurt yourself even accidentally to a point where you could not care for the child or you injuries and lack of sleep caused a problem or accident with the child (completely unintentional but you say 2 hours sleep in three days- clearly you are not 100% clear thinking on that amount of asleep) then that tips the scale to a danger point from the potential risk of harm to yourself to potential harm to others. You will find if you say you you are going to drive someplace that also will suddenly slide the scale to potential harm to others. They are doing their job. To be honest I am far more disturbed by when people call and they do not do anything and do not seem to care at all - at least that worker sincerely cared. In the end - you were not arrested, are not in jail, and not committed but you did receive genuine attention and assessment and maybe people will listen more closely - both to the fact you need help and to the fact you are capable of a reasonable self assessment ... I hope the end result is a benefit to you.
  5. MsBookLover

    MsBookLover Member

    Thank you so much. I think you are right. If she had not taken me seriously That would have been a much worse situation. After reading your post, I now know that she had my best interest in mind. I do have another therapist. But she is on vacation. I have only seen her one time, but I feel like I will get along better with her. There is not a lack of trust like the cop caller. I have an appointment with Dr. F(therapist) on Friday. I hope all goes well.
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