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She cheated on me, I don't know what to do anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by 09DZimmerman, Apr 29, 2012.

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  1. 09DZimmerman

    09DZimmerman New Member

    So, let's start off with me explaining that I've fought off suicidal feelings by myself for several years. At least 4 or 5 years I would say. I'm now 20, and set to turn 21 on June 29th. Please remember the month of my birthday I'll explain later.

    Anyways, I worked at a movie theater and a girl from the high school I graduated started there back in may of 2010. We talked back and fourth for about a month and she invited me to a party and that night I slept over at her house. Nothing happened, honestly I was pretty shy back then and it took me awhile to even kiss her. So, the day we first starting hanging out was June 27th, 2010 and we started dating... on my 19th birthday, on June 29th. Fast forward a year everything is going great shes amazing, everything I've ever wanted in a women. I mean sex has slowed down to a halt almost... we went from 5 - 6 times a week (I held off having sex with her because I really liked her, so we didnt start until a few months in) after a while it starts to slow down and we gradually go from 5 to 4 to 3 to 2 times a week, and this keeps up for awhile until we reach November of 2011. She starts talking about a promise ring and I've honestly never been very big on the whole idea, but I broke down and was actually very happy I gave her one. Anyways, things still slow down sexually and we are down to once a week then to three times a month... then we hadnt had sex for a month and a half.. after her birthday on march 15th. Now, the day is Wednesday the 25th and on the 24th we had an entire "special" night planned where we were going to fix our sexual problems and try to fix our relationship. (I need to almost mention here when I would say I love you she would say it back, and she eventually told me that "in every relationship there is someone who loves one more than the other loves them, and you love me more than I love you." I was extremely hurt by this and I didn't know what to say or do.) Anyways back to the 25th, I work 3-11pm on wednesday and at 10 she calls me at work saying shes going to go out with a girl - friend and have a drink and that she'd be home by 11. Anyways, I get home about 11:15 or 11:20 and she's not there. She texts me saying that she is sorry and that she is having fun with her friends and that she will be home a little bit later. So I tell her thats okay, she wanted to celebrate she just got into her athletic training program that is notorious for being very difficult to get in at our college. I had a paper to work on that was due on the 26th so I said okay and I worked on that for awhile. Later on she texts and calls me saying that I should come to a different bar where she is at and I said no have fun with your friends i need to finish my paper. So around 1:30 I finish the paper and fall asleep, I lit some candles hoping she would be home to wake me up and maybe we just might be able to have our romantic night. Anyways, she comes in at 7 in the morning claiming that she had slept over at her friends house... Oh, I also forgot to mention she had "accidentally" or so she claims taken the promise ring off and went to the bars without it. She gets home, puts on the ring and apologizes because she was too drunk to drive home. She immediately takes off her clothes and takes a shower. So, out of curiousity I read her text messages from her friend who she went out with. She had 3. 3 unanswered, unread text messages from her friend, asking if she needed to be picked up from wherever she was that night. She didnt answer them, so I knew something was up. I texted her friend and she doesnt respond. I take my girlfriend to her class in the morning and we are having a nice talk and what not and we kiss bye until about 10:15. I had sent her texts after thinking about the texts she had gotten from her friend saying we needed to talk. I skip class, I at this point and in complete anguish I don''t know what to think or what to do. She gets home at 10:15 and we talk for a little while. Then... she drops the bomb. Drew she said, I don't want to lie to you. I cheated on you last night. I first am in complete and utter shock, I question it a few times I don't know what to think. Then start yelling saying things like are you fucking kidding me, why why would you ever do this to me? and she says I don't know why. I'm not one of these girls who cheats. (She had been cheated on by one of her previous boyfriends.) I tell her I have to go and drive around. I talk to my parents and a couple friends at this point I can picture a pistol to my head. I go to my parents house when they are not there and I search for my fathers .22 caliber pistol and I can't find it. I had the bullets in hand, and I struggled trying to find the pistol. I never did. I go back eventually and we talk a little bit longer, she said that she had been losing interest in me for months now, since before I gave her the promise ring a few days before Christmas day. She was so happy when she got it, it was the most amazing day of my life. A few months ago she talked about how she wanted to get married to me and where we could move and everything. We had already talked a lot about this but she is the one bringing this up so I was happy, thinking that its time I start saving for an engagement ring. I hae 1565 dollars saved up by wednesday the 25th and she cheats on me. she fucking cheats on me. on the day we were suppose to have a romantic night together, it's like she didnt care, anyone was interchangable with me. I was just some pawn that she could lean on for money and someone that she didnt fucking care about. I tell her I want to try and work things out and she gets mad and says shes not really sad, just confused. I tell her I'll try and give her some space so she can think. I can't im emotional and I keep sending her texts throughout thursday. It's the longest day I've ever lived. When we had our talk I let slip for the first time to anyone, that Ive been having suicidal thoughts. I told her about pictureing the gun and she says that this makes it worse, and i know it does. I told her she doesnt need to have to be responsibile for me anymore. This is the most difficult thing, everyone keeps saying how great a girl she was, and that they are suprised she would do such a thing, I just don't know why. why she did it, she may have been drunk, but i had a chance friday night to sleep with two different women and I couldnt I just couldnt they were stripping in front of me, attractive girls and I, I just left. I tell her about this and she says that I am trying to make it more painful on her, and that im trying to turn her friends around on her. Her friends were my friends too before we started dating. I cant comprehend why... she was at the first bar, making out with the guy and her friend tried to stop her, she continued she didnt fucking care about me at all. why, why did she have to cheat on me with this guy. I can't get it through my head that she cared for me or ever did. it makes me think that i was never meant to date her I just need to end my life. I can't take this pain anymore shes on my mind 24/7 and everything I do just reminds me of her, how I fucking LOVED her I cant fucking take it. I need help I've told 3 other people now about this and nothing has helped I dont know what to do anymore. I loved her more than anything in the world, I cant stop thinking about her she is such an amazing person and she just threw me away like I wasnt even there anymore. I hate life why do I need to suffer through this
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You need to move on and find someone that wont cheat on you You know you can find another so do it she made her choice and now you have to decide weather to move on or forgive and get therapy couple therapy together to get over this
  3. sadguy33

    sadguy33 Banned Member

    Don't let her play the victim you are the victim she should feel worse when she says something like "you are just trying to make me feel worse" you should say " well I feel a lot worse then you right now." You are a good guy and don't need some manipulative girl in your life. You attracted that girl you can attract another and this next one might be a regular girl and nice. When a girl tries to play the victim when they are the ones that did the obvious wrong then you know its best to not be in that relationship. She might be the type to beat herself and call the cops on you. You are better off finding someone legit. You found her you are obviously good at attracting girl its all about finding the right one for you.
  4. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I say look on the bright side, she told you up front that she was losing interest. That has to count for something and should be sign that you need to end it. Chances are if you do not end it she will end it soon or worse she will not end it sponge off of you and use you as a wallet.

    I have to wonder if this is the first girl you have ever REALLY been with. I know with the female I refer to as my ex, long story, she was my first. Once I spent some time away from her I was able to start questioning what feelings I had for her. Since she was my first and only... well female. I can say that maybe I was just obsessed with sex. I cannot say for sure if I actually loved her. Though she does hold a soft spot in my heart. So I say remember the good times and move on. I won't say anything else because well I am trying to avoid being a hypocrite.

    Also, why did you mention your birthday. I saw mention to giftmas... but I am not sure if the other day numbers mentioned were in June. If they were then I realize what you were getting at.
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