She Continuously appears to me in my dreams. At times I just want to send her an email and let her know how I feel... but I can't do that. I told her that she hurt me too much... and that I don't want to be a part of the stupid things she is getting involved in. I hate it. I miss her so much. I can only take but so much. I am so tired of being so bitter, but feeling this way will only make matters worse. I really just wish I could sleep forever. I really don't know what life wants from me. I wonder If my number 1 dream will ever come true or If I even deserve to receive it. Life is so short yet at times, it only seems long when something devastates your life... It grows long and thick and takes forever to pass by. But when you are actually enjoying life, It flies by straight to the utter sadness that you are destined to face. What a horrible life style we are all born to. I just wish that if I knew even the slightest that something was going to go right... that if it would stay that way... I could be more optimistic. Every time something goes right... A secret disaster containing more discord than happiness is lurking in the shadows to make all my smiles and laughs meaningless. It always happens. Maybe I am just such a worthless piece of shit that just can't be happy no matter what is going on. Maybe I just care about her too much. I just can't get her off my mind. When you love some one for 6 years... I guess they would haunt you too. This is the exact reason that I don't want to ever have kids. The disappointment of there actions would kill me. I can't handle it. I can't handle people because they are so undependable. We only do what is good for our interests... despite how much we hurt others... This world... Is sickening. I wish it would just end. What a worthless world.