My wife just called to say she would be here to pick up more of her stuff... It hurts so so much. I dont know why I should even bother going on..... there is nothing left.
Why do I hurt to much
Welcome to the forum Iain.
I'm sorry to hear your going though this it a must be very difficult. There is something left.. your three children thats what you need to focus on now, they love you and need you.
I am so sorry you are in so much pain. No one should ever have to go thru this kind of hurt. The feeling of rejection is a very special kind of pain and takes a LOT of work to deal with. It's really hard isn't it! One person said you have 3 children. I have 4. One time I almost took my life about 6 years ago, and at that point I was not able to even think of them. But later after I came out of that episode, I started understanding how my death like that would have wrecked their lives and put them in therapy forever, because they would have blamed themselves. I was afraid it would start up that kind of road for them...like I was on. When you feel a little more able to think about it, maybe you can let your children be an anchor to this world. They really need you, especially during their parents' breakup. Keep talking to us, please.
Ive been leaving posts and calling people all over the place. It all seems so unreal to me.
Basically my wife of 24 years has decided to walk away. She says she is a different person and that she needs to get out of her situation. (each time I write or talk about her it starts to sound as though she is this horrid person or something, and she isnt. She is the love of my life)
So she left on Tuesday. Im with the kids..18, 16 and 14 . All beautiful people who are trying to hold their father up while he is cracking up.
I certainly almost did it... There was a train at a level crossing. But I was not fast enough and missed the opportunity.
Then on Tuesday I lined up all of the meds in the house, researched on the net how much a fatal dose was. And sat and looked at them.
I called life line and spoke to them. Ive talked to my GP. Ive seen the psych. But they cannot solve the problem for me. Which is that I feel so ...sad.
But Im here today on Friday. Im taking life one moment at a time. Logically I know the kids need a father. I know logically that I have to just muddle through.
My fear now is that if I get down next time, will I be able to pull back from the brink?
Thank you all for your words of support. It helps to know that Im not alone and that Im not the only one feeling this way.
Iain..your grief is so fresh.
i know your pain is overwhelming but am glad to hear you are reaching out for support..
all small steps to your 'recovery'..and who knows if you will go down to the 'brink' again?..it may not happen.
take care of yourself one day at a time and I hope you and your children are able to be of support to each other ..
we're here if you need us..*
She is the mother................. and you the father, nothing will ever change that.
Whatever has occured in the past between you two doesn't matter in regards to the children.
And whatever occurs in the future..........................you will always have to discuss the kids welfare and make decisions.
Your wife, as a mother will want to know how they are.
My advice? Give some space............................... nothing is more unattractive than self pity and sadness.
Sometimes space is needed..............................to miss something too.
If you love something ......let it go.................if it loves you back it will return.
I have previously posted in another thread of yours...........i have gone through this....and im still a work in progress.
Please pm me if i you want to talk about this more.
She comes today. All of my triggers are in place. If she beings someone, that will be it. I have posted on the other thread about the sort of day and my plan. If this is my last posting.... then thankyou for trying to help.
If this is my last posting....then tell my kids that I love them but could not live with the pain
If this is my last posting... then.........
She has been here. Told me that this is the end. It is incredible that after 24 years you can decide in one week to simply end a shared life. I am thinking of the kids right now. Its funny I feel sort of cold inside. Sort of this icey calm. I guess I need to think of my children and ....cope..... god Im hopless
Ian - think of your children's future. You don't have no one, you have your kids and their future to make sure it is at least decent. My parents didn't provide me with a good life, but I still got through, but it would have been less devastating had they been actual parents. Don't do a dis-service to your kids by killing yourself. Live for them Ian.
Iain, I am so sorry about your wife. I can't understand how you are feeling but I do believe your kids are there for you. They are all at an age where they understand and they are your backbone. Keep fighting for them, because they love you and you love them.
You still have to stick together as a family and I know you can all pull each other through. This isn't the end, it's going to be a hard path, but believe me you will be so strong and proud when you make it out the other side
I agree. This must be so difficult but i think your fantastic for muddling through and reaching out for help. Nobody can ask anymore of you. The kids obviously love you so much and need you, just as you need them. Have the Samaritans been an option for you? I tend to email and they have been fantastic. Keep strong and don't worry about what 'might happen' because you won't be able to enjoy the present. That was the best bit of advice someone gave me. Worry about now, and take tomorrow as it comes x