She just called

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Iain, Jun 9, 2011.

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  1. Iain

    Iain Well-Known Member

    My wife just called to say she would be here to pick up more of her stuff... It hurts so so much. I dont know why I should even bother going on..... there is nothing left.
    nothing
    no one.
    Why do I hurt to much
     
  2. Decode

    Decode Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum Iain.
    I'm sorry to hear your going though this it a must be very difficult. There is something left.. your three children thats what you need to focus on now, they love you and need you.
     
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I just posted on your other post too Iain..

    I'm sorry your'e going through this but hold on ..

    it will get easier to cope with as time goes by...I know you won't believe that at the moment but don't make any hasty decisions to leave yet ok

    i see you have 3 children to take care of ..they need their father, they really do.
    do you wanna tell us more about whats happening?
    we're here if you need to talk

    if you're not feeling safe please get to ER asap ( in Oz you can call an ambulance to take you)
     
  4. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    we love you here.
     
  5. godsbeloved

    godsbeloved Active Member

    Hello Iain,
    I am so sorry you are in so much pain. No one should ever have to go thru this kind of hurt. The feeling of rejection is a very special kind of pain and takes a LOT of work to deal with. It's really hard isn't it! One person said you have 3 children. I have 4. One time I almost took my life about 6 years ago, and at that point I was not able to even think of them. But later after I came out of that episode, I started understanding how my death like that would have wrecked their lives and put them in therapy forever, because they would have blamed themselves. I was afraid it would start up that kind of road for them...like I was on. When you feel a little more able to think about it, maybe you can let your children be an anchor to this world. They really need you, especially during their parents' breakup. Keep talking to us, please.
     
  6. Iain

    Iain Well-Known Member

    Ive been leaving posts and calling people all over the place. It all seems so unreal to me.
    Basically my wife of 24 years has decided to walk away. She says she is a different person and that she needs to get out of her situation. (each time I write or talk about her it starts to sound as though she is this horrid person or something, and she isnt. She is the love of my life)
    So she left on Tuesday. Im with the kids..18, 16 and 14 . All beautiful people who are trying to hold their father up while he is cracking up.
    I certainly almost did it... There was a train at a level crossing. But I was not fast enough and missed the opportunity.
    Then on Tuesday I lined up all of the meds in the house, researched on the net how much a fatal dose was. And sat and looked at them.
    I called life line and spoke to them. Ive talked to my GP. Ive seen the psych. But they cannot solve the problem for me. Which is that I feel so ...sad.
    But Im here today on Friday. Im taking life one moment at a time. Logically I know the kids need a father. I know logically that I have to just muddle through.
    My fear now is that if I get down next time, will I be able to pull back from the brink?
    Thank you all for your words of support. It helps to know that Im not alone and that Im not the only one feeling this way.
     
  7. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Iain..your grief is so fresh.
    i know your pain is overwhelming but am glad to hear you are reaching out for support..
    all small steps to your 'recovery'..and who knows if you will go down to the 'brink' again?..it may not happen.
    take care of yourself one day at a time and I hope you and your children are able to be of support to each other ..
    we're here if you need us..*hug*
     
  8. Iain

    Iain Well-Known Member

    And she calls me again to talk about the kids but she is just torturing me.... WHY?>

    Why?
    Why/
    why/
     
  9. Iain

    Iain Well-Known Member

    There is no one out there
    there is no point
    there is nothing out there for me
     
  10. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    Im sorry.
    She is the mother................. and you the father, nothing will ever change that.
    Whatever has occured in the past between you two doesn't matter in regards to the children.
    And whatever occurs in the future..........................you will always have to discuss the kids welfare and make decisions.
    Your wife, as a mother will want to know how they are.
    My advice? Give some space............................... nothing is more unattractive than self pity and sadness.
    Sometimes space is needed..............................to miss something too.
    If you love something ......let it go.................if it loves you back it will return.
    I have previously posted in another thread of yours...........i have gone through this....and im still a work in progress.
    Please pm me if i you want to talk about this more.
    Regards
     
  11. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    We're still here for you and listening..

    I know that's how you feel at the moment iain but that can change if you give it time..
    there will be 'life' again for you..

    i have survived the suicide of a loved one and I'm begging you not to leave that legacy on your children...
    you all need each other ..

    I know the pain is unbearable but hold on....*hug*
     
  12. Iain

    Iain Well-Known Member

    She comes today. All of my triggers are in place. If she beings someone, that will be it. I have posted on the other thread about the sort of day and my plan. If this is my last posting.... then thankyou for trying to help.
    If this is my last posting....then tell my kids that I love them but could not live with the pain
    If this is my last posting... then.........
     
  13. Iain

    Iain Well-Known Member

    And if this is my last posting...then at least the pain will stop
     
  14. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    why is she coming Iain?
    do you have to be there?

    I hear how much pain you're in...I really do...it's understandable with what you're going through but there are other options besides suicide..

    your pain may stop (given whatever you believe there is after death) but what of those left behind?

    suicide transfers your pain to the survivors..
    I don't wish this pain on anyone..

    please reconsider your plans..
    there are other options besides death to help you through this

    still here if you need to talk
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 11, 2011
  15. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I hope you reconsider. If you went through with it, the pain would be transferred to your kids. There are ways you can get through this. :hug: Here if you want to talk.
     
  16. Iain

    Iain Well-Known Member

    She has been here. Told me that this is the end. It is incredible that after 24 years you can decide in one week to simply end a shared life. I am thinking of the kids right now. Its funny I feel sort of cold inside. Sort of this icey calm. I guess I need to think of my children and ....cope..... god Im hopless
     
  17. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    you're not hopeless Iain...
    breakups suk!!

    give yourself credit for thinking of your kids and finding the strength to cope..
    that takes courage..

    keep fighting those negative thoughts ok...it will get easier to cope with in time
    I hope you'll keep reaching out for help when you need it.
    *hug*
    thanks for letting us know how you are..I was worried !
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 12, 2011
  18. Jonathan

    Jonathan Well-Known Member

    Ian - think of your children's future. You don't have no one, you have your kids and their future to make sure it is at least decent. My parents didn't provide me with a good life, but I still got through, but it would have been less devastating had they been actual parents. Don't do a dis-service to your kids by killing yourself. Live for them Ian.
     
  19. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    Iain, I am so sorry about your wife. I can't understand how you are feeling but I do believe your kids are there for you. They are all at an age where they understand and they are your backbone. Keep fighting for them, because they love you and you love them.

    You still have to stick together as a family and I know you can all pull each other through. This isn't the end, it's going to be a hard path, but believe me you will be so strong and proud when you make it out the other side

    :hug: xx
     
  20. Catfreak

    Catfreak Active Member

    I agree. This must be so difficult but i think your fantastic for muddling through and reaching out for help. Nobody can ask anymore of you. The kids obviously love you so much and need you, just as you need them. Have the Samaritans been an option for you? I tend to email and they have been fantastic. Keep strong and don't worry about what 'might happen' because you won't be able to enjoy the present. That was the best bit of advice someone gave me. Worry about now, and take tomorrow as it comes x
     
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