she put me in alot of trouble :( im scared

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by firehawk1, Sep 3, 2009.

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  1. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    I am based in the UK and so sorry for a long post but I just need to get it out and no idea what to do.

    unfortunately my now ex has blown things way out of propertion and called in the police and I was charged for common assault no battery, and sexual assault.

    in my life, this is the first time I have "committed" such an offence (there was no sexual assault) and I am never in trouble as I am a professional and also do not believe in such things, plus of my strong cultural and religious upbringing.

    so, the sexual charges got dropped, and I had my hearing at the magistrates and then the sexual charges were put back up again by CPS!

    what happened was that all I wanted to do was talk to her and calm her down and talk things over, as this is what I believe in and always do and have been open with each other.

    she said no and i said please lets talk, so when she was entering her house, I also entered as the door was left open and thought that was an invitation.

    sat down, she did not even look at me but turned her back towards me and i said please, turn around and of course she said no.

    there were a few exchange of words (nothing of swearing nature) and then another friend of hers came to which at this point without my acknowledgement told her to go get help.

    I then said look, can we please talk in the kitchen to which she agreed. I told her to close the door, as its rude to talk/be in this mode when there is someone else present in the other room, and she did this.

    i asked her why she is like this and after everything she said about wanting me and "cannot live" without me etc... etc... and why she is behaving like this she just said to me just go, i cannot handle this and I said no, we need to talk about this properly.

    of course she and I was upset and angry I guess. I held my arms out to indicate that its ok, lets hold each other and calm down. I went closer to her and she was inviting then when I tried to hold her softly by the shoulders (her arms were crossed/folded and she was also wearing the jacket I had bought her a few months ago) and to give her a peck on the cheek, she said "no, off" and my peck went on her shoulders.

    at this point, one of her friends "barged" into the kitchen opening the door, so I moved back so that the door did not hit me or my ex and she came in to open some wine.

    I then eventually left and got arrested.

    now, she is accusing me of touching her breasts and back and kissing her on the back - this was never true at all. all I did was to hold her softly by the shoulders and talk calmy as I am normally and to put any fear out of her because she knows I am not the violent type or any kind

    we were also due to get into the marriage stage as well, and a few months ago we agreed we would get each other an eternity ring, to which I did for her birthday last month.

    I have not eaten in weeks or slept, lost ALOT of weight and loss of earnings because of all this, and worried what will happen. I pleaded not guilty to the charge and now will be taken to the crown court.

    I did no such thing as she has accused me off. I am so scared and unable to focus on anything!

    please, can someone help I do not know what to do, and have a whole life ahead of me but now fearful, its cut short.

    This offence is apperently on the minor scale but i dont know what to think or do. I am applying for legal aid but who knows how long that will take, this is really distressing and so unfair. The whole experience is just so traumatic and my life is over.

    I am not guilty, i just do not know what to do and what i will be facing or up against. im very upset and just need some comfort or something, i dont know.

    I just cannot believe all this, especially after what I have done for her and her kids over the months, and the fact that she is a nurse at the NHS.... just makes no sense. The one person I could trust in this whole world.... to turn her back on me like this and get me in trouble.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    I'm sorry for what you're going through. She may have been uncomfortable with the fact that she said she didn't want to talk, and you came in anyway. But that doesn't give her the right to take things to this level.

    I don't have any suggestions, because I'm from the US and I have no idea how things work over in the UK. I hope you're able to get some legal aid! If you ever feel like talking, you can drop me a PM anytime.

    Good luck, I hope things turn out okay!
  3. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    Thank-you kindly wildcheery, I appreciate it.
    I am probably now not even allowed to enter the US for holiday/business because of the way things are heading.

    yes, we were both upset because it was a hard time for us bcos of a very very minor debate/dispute and all that blown way way out of propertion. she knows that i am not a nasty person at all, she knows i would never do such a thing (inappropriately touching her) and that I am a "ladys man" with respect.

    i have a commital hearing next month where I would plea not guilty to the charge then it goes to the crown court with the victim an witnesses. However there were no witnesses to this incident as it was just us in the kitchen, but there were 2 of her other friends in the living room.
  4. Rose24

    Rose24 Chat & Forum Buddy

    Battery? Did you hit her? Is that what the argument was about? I don’t want to hurt with what I am about to say but I was in an abusive relationship with my ex for a very long time and this

    sounds so familiar. We’d have blazing rows; he’d hit me and then desperately try to comfort me. I don’t understand how she signalled that it was ok for you to hold her or kiss her, surely her body language - her arms crossed or folded suggests that she did not want you near her. To be honest that fact that you are a professional means nothing to me. Thankfully for you, I doubt you’ll get charged.
  5. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    no no, there was no violence! the technical term is "no battery". I also do not believe in violence, and she knows this.
    her arms were crossed yes, but she did not turn away and nodded her head that yes she wants to hug as I had my arms out (away from her). why didnt she unfold her arms? I do not know at all.

    we always have had a great comfortable open relationship, and that any fears she has had of anything (not me) but her past, I was always there to support and comfort her.
  6. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    could not sleep at all last night and work is of course affected. I wonder what she is up to and what she is doing especially now since its the weekend as usually she would come over mine. probably with someone else :( doing the things we did together.

    no idea why she has done this at all. makes no sense. the "good" guy to be in trouble for what? for something she accused me off which is so wrong? Then they complain they cannot find a decent man, when it is infront of them.

    funny, a few days before this she was like "no, i dont want you to move. i love you, want you. cannot imagine my life without you"..... and I said ok, i wont move then.

    then a couple of days later, all this - because she wouldnt talk to me properly (or even before this), and I said if I am being played around with, messed with to which she said on the lines of "how dare you even think that, no wonder I am upset" etc.... - but I had a right to ask.

    then makes me wonder, as I put it to her, about the things that happened in the past and why she has to do this.
  7. Tray

    Tray Well-Known Member

    Im sorry it turned out like this.

    Its just weirdly true that you can be charged for stuff like that. I think the craziest is that in the US you can get arrested if you get in a argument in your own home and then punch a hole in the wall or knock over a lamp. Yup... weirdd..

    I really hope you the best with your charges and such.
  8. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    thanks tray I appreciate that.
    its just so stupid, and she knows it well but of course her friends will cheer her on. making a big drama out of it.

    ive never put her down, infact, always boosted her up
  9. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    such a beautiful morning. i miss waking up next to her. i wonder what she has been up to, what she is doing or thinking. obviously, she must be with someone else and forgot me and what we had because of all the bad she caused.

    it was never meant to be like this, cannot understand why the hell she did said especially if she said she is not the same as the rest. pffft.

    just, miss her. and put me in trouble. :(
  10. blaiqlee

    blaiqlee New Member

    Shouldnt have touched her at all
    Shouldnt have tried to reconcile
    Shouldnt have entered her house
    Shouldve just left her alone

    Id get over her. Shes not worth it. Move on.

    Im no shrink but if you hadda done all the above you wouldnt be in the situation you are in now!
  11. blaiqlee

    blaiqlee New Member

    How can you miss someone who caused you trouble?
  12. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    i know i understand but thing is, she has done that to me in the past where if I leave the premises, she would come to mine and talk etc... etc....

    so why couldnt I? besides she said one moment that she wanted to see me, then no, then yes, then no so I was getting mixed signals!
    plus it wouldve been like as if I didnt care or anything - at least I did try as most dont and she knows im very passionate and affectionate (in good levels).

    she made it like this, not me. and she said that she would give me my things if I were at her house. and there I was
  13. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    its saturday night. gee i wonder what she is up to.

    but all that aside. im so scared. :(
  14. CAD

    CAD Well-Known Member

    Agreed. When it comes to domestic arguments, the law is weighted on the side of the woman. If I were you, I would keep well away from her and her friends - even if she contacts you - so that she can't accuse you of anything else. It's not nice to say, but you will probably come out of this with a criminal record. I hope things improve for you soon, buddy.
  15. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    As there is only one side of the story here, I cannot even attempt to offer advice. I would suggest you do as she wants and leave her alone. I don't know her motive, but it is obvious she wants this to end or she would not have taken the steps she has. Even if you prove all accusations false, it doesn't change the fact that she took the necessary steps to keep you away from her. It is time to let go and move on from here.
  16. Kishin

    Kishin Member

    No the law in Canada any way is not alwasy weighted to the females side cause my husband had me taken from the house a few years back. It is hard to deal with yes i agree. I did not do a thing, he was the one threating me and shit. But i guess he is a good bullshitter cause they believed him over me. Which is sad cause i had a Very sprained arm from him a few months before but did nothing about it. But that is my life. lol what a joke it is.
  17. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    this morning I recieved a copy of the statement that she gave and her friend.

    put me in tears again. she missed out a few things and some stuff were complete lies! :(
    I am so scared. so worried. I was meant to go to work today but woke up at 4am and stressing over this and couldnt go back to sleep.

    of course, I have never contacted her after all this, nor will I but all this, just.... is so unfair and makes no sense why from a small minor disagreement that happened last month to it being blown way out of propertion and being accused of sexual assault.

    :( I am an honest person, as hard as it maybe for anyone to believe these days, and she knows that also. I did not touch her inappropriately, but only to hold her from the shoulders/arms softly to which she consented, then to give her a "friendly" peck on the cheek which resulted on it being given on her shoulder as she was leaning back saying "get off"

    her arms were folded/crossed throughout the whole ordeal.

    makes no sense
  18. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    went to see the solictor today but had to pay for the meeting unfortunately.

    50/50 chance. she said that it would be a tragedy if convicted.
    the ex was getting money from me most of the time but especially when i bailed her out from eviction time. thereafter, i was still paying for many things.

    question that may well be asked is "why would she lie of such an allegation?"

    the only thing I can respond with that is due to confusion, emotional sadness/upset times for both of us, what her friends may have been telling her prior to all this because either they are jelous on how things have been going for us, or because I told my ex I am running short on money due to the recession.
    Can also be a misunderstanding event.
    Can also be due to being scared from her previous relationship/husband and just lashing it all out on me for revenge.
    Can also be because friends dont understand things that we have and therefore coming to the same conclusion and telling her to "get rid" of me and mark it down as a bad one in the books again and because she hasnt had time to think about things, that overtook it as she did say to me on that same week that she just wishes everyone didnt tell her what to think or say.

    but then who would believe this?
  19. drow21

    drow21 Active Member

    i trained as a Jesuit for a while (about 2 years) so i know some legal terms , its hearsay, if she has a witness saying that she saw you touch her then its counted as more serious,

    sexual assault requires evidence, bruises photos, the cps will on occasion try to add charges so that you will be found guilty of something , its not nice but they do it

    thing is magistrates court is filled with this kind of thing, i feel sorry for you and if you like ill talk through things with you ,

    good luck man
  20. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    no, the other witness, her friend, did not see anything at all but only heard the words "get off get off".
    further more, there was no bruising or anything of the sort, she admitted it was on the clothing.

    even though it was true love throughout this relationship, still shocked and saddened by all of this. but coming to think of it I also do think money was a big factor in this even though im usually good at realising things like this.

    she also does have a bad credit rating due to her ex husband.
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