She saved me!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Cecilie, Jun 5, 2014.

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  1. Cecilie

    Cecilie Member

    Its about 1,5 year ago when I was down and planned to take my own life. I knew exactly how and had planned it for weeks.
    The same day, on a sunday I was at work. I didn't wont anyone to be suspicius, I was a bit nervous to get busted so I couldn't stay home. My plan was to play "normal"
    My co-worker must have noticed something off about me. I guess I was more quiet than usual, and had a dark shadow over me. Anyhow, She asked me how I felt, and I just answered that I was really great!
    After work she insist that I should not be alone tonight. I just called her off and walked home. I was ready to die..
    Then she called me some few hours afterwords and told me she was really worried because I had chanced lately, and She could see that I needed help. We talked a long time and she make me promise to meet her the day after... I just decided to commit suicide later because I was afraid she would call me later If I said no, and if i didn't pick up the phone she would been at my door..

    The day after I met her and she made me confess that I was suicidal. She is a really good woman and have this warm personality.. she helped me to get professional help. And I have not tried again..

    I never tought anyone would notice me.. But i guess I was wrong! If it was not for her, i don't know if I would have been around anymore! :)

    Just wanted to share a sad, but happy story of my life :)
    But I do feel im going down to that level again. And I don't know what to do. But im holding on. Trying not to make any plans.. And be more sosial when im off work. I know i don't really want to die.. But my head is exploding of painfully toughts.. Im not sure if i dare to talk to my co-worker either. We don't work together anymore and I feel like im using her.
    What should I do? Get professional help again?
     
  2. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi Cecilie - it's true that we don't want to die, we just want things to be better. We can't comprehend non-existing, when existing is all we have known, even if it has been very painful. We try to live in hope that things will not be this way for ever - and that is why SF is a good, safe place for gaining some insights as to how we can make the best of things with what we've got. there are strategies for making our minds into our friends, so they will not beat up on us, it is worth the effort to come to understand what these are, and, because they are objectively true, we can still believe them over our feelings. We know our feelings can be unreliable - it's a very unsafe thing to say "my feelings would never lie to me" - because they do. They are brought about because of thinking which needs to be understood better. If you want someone to discuss this with, please PM me :)


    That's a very nice post you've written, about the intervention of your friend :)
     
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Yes - please get professional help again. It helped before along with the timely intervention of your friend so reach out for the professional help and consider maintaining it as part of your life just as people with physical conditions keep regular doctors a part of their life for scheduled check ups to monitor conditions.

    You might talk to your former coworker and let her know how much it meant before and the memory of how much it meant has helped you learn to reach out so will be looking to get professional help again because now you recognize the signs so just wanted to thank her again. This may help you get support but in a gracious way as opposed to feeling like you are using her, you are simply thanking her again.

    Take Care and Be Safe

    - Ben
     
  4. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Hi Cecilie,

    I would definitely suggest getting professional help again as it will help to lift this black cloud that hangs over your head. I don't think you'd be using your friend if you were to tell her you weren't feeling well again, it may give you some additional support and help you through some equally tough times like it did before. You can always continue reaching out here too, we're here to listen :hug: Hope you feel better soon.
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I agree with NYJ having a professional help you and keeping that professional as support is important because depression can flare up again and it is helpful to have someone to turn to that will not judge you but assist you out of the darkness some

    I am glad your coworker was there for you hun you are doing great reaching out here talking to us as well hugs
     
  6. AnaNg

    AnaNg Antiquities Friend

    I totally agree with everyone who said to definitely get professional help. You found that helpful before and I have no doubt that it can help you again. If you are able to get an appointment with the same psychiatrist and/or therapist you saw before, that would probably help too since they will already have an idea of your mental health history. I would also encourage you to get in touch with your former coworker if you can and tell her that you are struggling again and could really use a friend right now. I had a similar situation when I was in high school where one of my teachers saved me from attempting suicide. It is over 20 years later and we are - thanks to Facebook - still in touch. He has, through the years, become a dear friend and a great support to me during my struggles with depression. In the last 16 months, I've struggled through some of the worst darkness and despair I've ever experienced and my former teacher and friend has been there for me, listening, praying, and even intervening once when I was very close to attempting suicide again. I say all of this to encourage you that you wouldn't be using your coworker if you contacted her again. You might find that you gain a good friend through her support and when you're on the other side of this present darkness, you might have the opportunity to return the favour.

    Pax,
    Ana
     
  7. Cecilie

    Cecilie Member

    Oh, how nice of all of you to say! My eyes are more open! I just need to get up my courage and go to the doctor first. Maybe on tursday. Oh lord.. Im scared. Ill hope for the same therapist. He was great.
    My co- worker is on a holiday for 2 weeks, so i just have to wait. Im think I going to try speak to her after i got professional help. So she knows she don't need to worry too much about me like last time.

    Think you so much <3 i love this forum already. You are good people :) it really helped!
     
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