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She saved me..

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by -brokengirl-, Dec 18, 2011.

  1. -brokengirl-

    -brokengirl- Well-Known Member

    Nicki. Beautiful. Brave. Strong. Caring. She was one of the most incredible people I have ever had the privilege to encounter. And she saved me. She killed herself on a Wednesday. I was planning on killing myself on that Friday. But after that I couldn't. One of my other friends knew I was already in a bad way before we found out, and when we did she didn't leave my side. Without that nothing could have stopped me. I know for a fact, that if she had never done it, I wouldn't be writing this now. However there is still a major part of me that thinks if i had done it first, she would still be here, and the world would have been so much brighter with her in it. She deserved life more than me, and I am ashamed at how I am honouring her... By harming, by praying for death each night. I know that if it was possible to trade places, I would do so without a single moments thought.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Brokengirl, welcome to the forum. My best friend Nikki died from an overdose last January so I know how you're feeling :hug: I'm sorry for your loss x
  3. -brokengirl-

    -brokengirl- Well-Known Member

    How is someone supposed to get over that? Having a cornerstone of your life ripped away... Im sorry for your loss also... I really wish the world didn't drive people to this method of escape, I wish it didn't seem like the easiest and only way. But by living we honour those who have passed..... Just wish living wasn't so damn hard!
  4. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry to learn of this loss. Your love for her shines through in your writing, and I wish you well. Take care of yourself. ((Hugs))