Nicki. Beautiful. Brave. Strong. Caring. She was one of the most incredible people I have ever had the privilege to encounter. And she saved me. She killed herself on a Wednesday. I was planning on killing myself on that Friday. But after that I couldn't. One of my other friends knew I was already in a bad way before we found out, and when we did she didn't leave my side. Without that nothing could have stopped me. I know for a fact, that if she had never done it, I wouldn't be writing this now. However there is still a major part of me that thinks if i had done it first, she would still be here, and the world would have been so much brighter with her in it. She deserved life more than me, and I am ashamed at how I am honouring her... By harming, by praying for death each night. I know that if it was possible to trade places, I would do so without a single moments thought.