She thinks its abuse... I don't?

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by foxwithwings13, Jul 22, 2009.

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  1. foxwithwings13

    foxwithwings13 Well-Known Member

    So i was talking to this person about my dad and his anger issues, she seems to think I'm being abused by him. I really don't think so.. he DOES have anger issues, knowbody disputes that... so Idk I wanted to see what everyone else thinks.
    Basically when he gets very mad he's been known to throw things at me.. such as books, water bottles, sometimes glass (like dishes), and things like that.
    Sometimes he will grab my arm, jaw, or hair pretty hard.. but the worse I've gotten from that was a temporary mark or redness
    And he pushes me. If he's angry and i'm in his way he will push me out of the way. sometimes softly, sometimes hard enough to come close to knocking me over.
    It will hurt but it's temporary. He's never hurt me enough to break any bones, make me bleed, or give me long-lasting marks or scars.
    She still seems to think this is abuse though.
    I really don't think it is.
  2. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Do you think abuse is all about bleeding, breaking bones and stuff like that?

    How do you feel when he acts this way? Do you feel scared? Do you think that what he's doing to you is acceptable or ok?
  3. foxwithwings13

    foxwithwings13 Well-Known Member

    hi. Yes I do feel scared when he acts like that. And I don't feel what he's doing is acceptable at all!! but i just don't think it seems like abuse to me.. idon't know:unsure:
  4. ashes_away

    ashes_away Well-Known Member

    it is abuse and no matter what you did to provoke this..i am betting nothing since nothing but the worst evil should warrant is abuse.Do not put up with it and I hope you gain some perspective here at SF. Sheesh..nothing you did unless you killed someone out of malice is a justification for anyone to physically harm you.Your gf is right and listen to her..she is someone who has been sent to you to help you.
  5. foxwithwings13

    foxwithwings13 Well-Known Member

    hmm... well I thanks. I guess I am being abused then... I'm rather surprised he's been like that as long as I can remember, I guess I just take it as his way of doing things... :shy:
  6. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    The reason you don't recognize it as abuse, is that is all you have ever known from him.

    This is not normal or acceptable, it is abusive.

    He needs help to stop. You need to process it enough to realize that you deserve better treatment, his actions are his responsibility, and you need to know how to protect yourself, how to handle personal relationships without letting someone be controlling and abusive.

    Your friend is a really good friend - cherish her!

    It is normal to feel anger from time to time - it is what a person does with it that matters. There is no excuse for frightening you with physical force.

    Take care of yourself! :hug:
  7. foxwithwings13

    foxwithwings13 Well-Known Member

    Thank you! :)
  8. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    :hug: Your friend is a blessing, I think. I was in a similar situation in all my relationships.

    I really hope you keep yourself safe and maybe move away from your father somehow and get the support you need.
  9. foxwithwings13

    foxwithwings13 Well-Known Member

  10. Ophelia1600

    Ophelia1600 Active Member

    This type of violence ALWAYS escalates. I work in criminal justice and I see many people in your situation. They report the abuse but dont follow thru with pressing charges. Then 2 weeks later they're back. Its a vicious cycle. You need to get OUT of that house NOW. One day your dad will lose control and he may even kill you. It happens, believe me. Abusers don't change. No matter how many times they say they're sorry they WILL do it again. Your dad was probably abused as a child. The cycle continues until someone stops it.

    Personally I am NOT having children and neither is my brother. We both know that no matter how much we hated what our parents did there is a very real chance that we would do it to our kids.

    Get out now. Get help. Stop the cycle.

    You can PM me if you want
  11. foxwithwings13

    foxwithwings13 Well-Known Member

    oh my well I seriously doubt he would kill me! and I don't know how I could get out if i wanted to.. I'm only 16 and my brothers 13 :unsure:
  12. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Can you tell your school? A teacher? Do you have a Youth Counselling Centre? What Ophelia said about your life being at risk can happen. You could die.

    Ultimately, social services are supposed to help you and your brother but you have to be consistent and want to get out of the place. There are laws protecting you. I'm not sure where you live though, and how the system is like over there. Are you considered a child or adult at the moment?

    What Ophelia said about pressing charges is something you could keep in mind. In the future, after you become more aware of how he has effected you, you might feel really angry that he's got away with so much.

    I understand he might be your dad and you might even still love him, the feelings being in a relationship like yours can be messy. But your life and safety is in danger, although you might not feel it as you've been in it so long , it's become normal.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 24, 2009
  13. foxwithwings13

    foxwithwings13 Well-Known Member

    thanks. I don't really feel like my life is in danger... but you could be right I might not feel that way because he's always been like that. I don't really know who I could tell, i suppose I could tell the school, or my psychologist. And yes I'm 16 so I'm considered a child. And I've lost all repect for my dad.. but I think I still love him. I don't really know. I'm really confused right now.. :sad:
  14. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    It's ok to feel confused. It's a confusing frightening environment you're in. I really encourage you to tell someone who you trust. Your psychologist sounds a good idea.
  15. foxwithwings13

    foxwithwings13 Well-Known Member

    Yeah thanks.. I'll think about it and might say something. I go to her Monday...
  16. Songie

    Songie Well-Known Member

    Sorry, but the person you were talking to is right. If he does these things and it makes you feel like that, its abuse. Physically and emotionally.
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