She told me that she really likes me...but she says she doesn't want a relationship.

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by A_New_Man, May 23, 2008.

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  1. A_New_Man

    A_New_Man Well-Known Member

    This is not an emotionally distressing life-stopping issue. This is just a personal problem that has been on my mind that I'd like some advice with.

    I've been hanging out with a girl lately. Yesterday, I discussed with her that I feel somewhat insecure because no girl had ever told me that I was attractive, and because I had never even had my first kiss with a girl. She responded by telling me that she thought I was really cute, and asked me if I'd like to have my first kiss with her. I said yes, and we kissed. (I should mention that it wasn't a short peck on the lips - she made out with me really passionately and let me touch her chest. Afterward, we cuddled and held one another for a while, then made out again even harder than the first time.)

    After a while, she stopped kissing me, and told me, "I want to make something clear...even though I really like you, I don't want to be anyone's girlfriend. I've always tried to avoid that title." I told her that I understood her clearly, and we went back to kissing. We eventually stopped because our friend came over and we went out to see a show. When she drove me back to my place, I thanked her for the kissing. She told me not to worry about it, and gave me another passionate kiss goodbye.

    As someone who went 6 years psychologically convincing himself that no girl would ever find him attractive, I am in heaven now that a girl actually told me I was cute. As someone who believed that no girl would ever want to do anything with me, I am ecstatic that this girl would make out with me so passionately (it really helps that I find her extremely attractive, the most attractive girl I've seen at college.) My mind is blown because a girl who I viewed as an unobtainable goddess actually wanted to make out with me. My self-pitying and underconfident mindset has been flushed away, and now I feel proud of myself and filled with confidence. I feel like everything will be okay. I feel like there is a chance that I WILL be able to meet a wonderful girl and enter a relationship.

    I really like this girl - I've had a crush on her for months. I never thought that she would find me worthy enough to experience such a passionate make-out session with her. I'm thankful and I'm grateful and I'm bubbling over with appreciation for her - but, I guess, there is one problem.

    I really like her, she told me that she really likes me, and we had a hot make-out session; you'd think that we'd both be ready for a relationship with one another, but then she said that line that I just can't get out of my head: "I don't want to be anyone's girlfriend. I've always tried to avoid that title." Does that mean she just wants to be 'friends with benefits'? Does it mean that she wants to casually make out and have sex with guys, and doesn't want to commit to a single guy? If she "really likes" me, then how can she not want to be with me? I don't understand.

    To make something perfectly clear, I appreciate the experience she gave me very much, and I don't want to reward her with creepy stalker-like possessive obsession. I don't want to become a problem for her. Years from now, I don't want her to tell tales of the creepy guy who got too attached to her. I want her to look fondly on me. I'm even fine if she only wants to be friends.

    What I don't get is...how can you "really like" someone, but not want them to be yours? Wouldn't she have just said "let's stay friends but keep making out" if she wanted to make it clear she only wanted to be friends with benefits?
     
  2. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Re: She told me that she really likes me...but she says she doesn't want a relationsh

    Hey there,

    I can't tell how it is for your friend, cos I don't know her and don't know what her way of thinking is, but I can answer your question from own experience.

    I myself, don't want a relationship either, even if I like people. I can like someone incredibly much, yet I don't want to be in a relationship, because I know myself well enough to know that it'd end badly. I'd end up hurting them.
    That is why I don't want to be in a relationship. I don't want to hurt them and besides I don't think I'm ready for a committing relationship. At least not yet.

    Maybe for your friend something similar is going on. Or she wants to keep her independence and feels like she can't when she's in a relationship?
    Though it can be hard at times, it's very well possible to have feelings for someone but not act on them :dunno:

    I hope that helps. I suggest asking her sometime. Just say you're curious about it, why she wants to avoid the 'girlfriend' title..

    Good luck!
    :hug:
     
  3. Fishman

    Fishman Guest

    Re: She told me that she really likes me...but she says she doesn't want a relationsh

    Girls and logic don't mix and they can be capable of some horrible mind games. Obviously she prostituted herself to give you this experience to her it means nothing.
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2008
  4. Darken

    Darken Well-Known Member

    Re: She told me that she really likes me...but she says she doesn't want a relationsh

    Maybe she likes being promiscuous, and doesn't want only one person. Or maybe she is just afraid of having a long relationship. It could be caused by things she has been through in life.
     
  5. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    Re: She told me that she really likes me...but she says she doesn't want a relationsh

    for one, girls and logic do mix. take that from a formal psychology degree student (female)

    for two, even if she was doing it to be a friend, then how is she "prostituting" herself? i see no mention of cash.

    your very bitter, dont dash everyones hopes with that.

    To the OP, maybe she just isnt ready for that commitment? sounds like she likes you in some was as it was hardly one small kiss. Maybe just play it cool and see how it develops? then you will learn more. good luck!
     
  6. Fishman

    Fishman Guest

    Re: She told me that she really likes me...but she says she doesn't want a relationsh

    Its fairly clear what her intentions are and I fail to see how lying to someone and getting there hopes up only to be crushed mercilessly is hardly going to 'help them'..I believe in helping people but that doesn't entail steering them in a hopeless wrong direction where they make a fool out of themselves.
     
  7. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    Re: She told me that she really likes me...but she says she doesn't want a relationsh

    helping them when you are a self-confessed knowledge blackhole about women?

    Id follow the other advice on the thread OP, she may just be confused or trying out how you feel about her. Its clear she is intrested or she wouldnt have kissed you so much, you might have just got a sympathy kiss.

    good luck, hope it works out!
     
  8. kenny

    kenny Well-Known Member

    Re: She told me that she really likes me...but she says she doesn't want a relationsh

    :eek:hmy:

    I've never read such misogynistic clap-trap in all my life.

    I think this is a gross insult to women everywhere. :mad:

    to the OP It sounds like the girl is perhaps a bit emotionally immature, and scared of making a committment in her mind by being someone's "girlfriend" if you really like her, you'll have to be patient and try to work with her on this.

    tell her how much it would mean to you to be her boyfriend.

    best of luck
     
  9. aquila

    aquila Member

    Re: She told me that she really likes me...but she says she doesn't want a relationsh

    Take it cool and don't expect to much. Maybe she just wanted to kiss someone that evening, because it's fun to just kiss some cute guy sometimes.

    If you go out with her again and it feels good, talk about relationships. Tell her what you want in life, what kind of relationship you are looking for. Ask her what she is looking for in a relationships and ask her what is in the title "girlfriend" for her and why she doesn't like it.

    And in general, don't thank someone for kissing you or having sex with you. It might imply that your partner did it as a service. Give your partner a compliment instead, say something that implies you both had a good time or say something that imply you enjoy making your partner happy.:smile:
     
  10. XXXXX

    XXXXX Antiquities Friend

    Re: She told me that she really likes me...but she says she doesn't want a relationsh

    Don't call her girlfreind :biggrin: - but treat her like she is, and just see where it goes........sounds like she may have her own issues on the relationship front, slowly, slowly, catchy monkey :tongue:
     
  11. kittyD

    kittyD Well-Known Member

    Re: She told me that she really likes me...but she says she doesn't want a relationsh

    Right, treat her with respect and caring, let her know how much you enjoyed making out with her and let it evolve naturally. Sometimes a kiss is just a kiss, sometimes its not. If nothing comes of it, you've got a great memory.
    kD
     
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