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She was a lover before a friend

On Monday, I received a phone call from someone I had met once. He left a message on a my voicemail to call him back with regards to our mutual friend. Immediately I thought something had happened as only recently she lost an ex-girlfriend (someone she had a tumultuous on/off relationship with) had committed suicide. I called him back immediately and my concerns were acknowledged - she had committed suicide over the weekend.

At first I thought it was a sick joke, but after a few days he called me again to tell me funeral details and today I read her death notice in the paper. It's sunk in now - I will never see her again.

A couple of years ago, I met her through a good friend of mine. At the time she was living with him (and he was a little smitten by her, but she was a lesbian as am I). When we met, we were both coming out of draining relationships. We found comfort and excitement in each other.

I grew up a lot in the short few months we had dated. I acknowledge a few things, about myself, and she helped contribute to me evolving and wanting greater things in my life. I admired her aspect and her grand life plan. She had it all sorted. She knew who she was and where she wanted to be.

After we parted ways (in our relationship) we both didn't want to lose each other from our lives. After awhile, we grew to have an amazing friendship. We were our go-to-people. I would call her up, or she would call me up (every other week) and we would dissect the latest happenings in our lives.

We lived quite the distance away from each other, so it was hard seeing each other since we both worked 6 days a week. But the times we did see each other, everyone else failed to exist.

The last time I saw her was my going away party. I was leaving to pursue other adventures in Melbourne, Australia (I live in Queensland, Australia). When we got a moment for each other, again, everyone else failed to exist. That was just how we were - I fell in love with her existence (and not in a romantic way, I just truly loved everything about her). When I arrived in Melbourne, she called me up and said to me that I had been gone for long enough and to get back home.

Through the 4 months I live in Melbourne, we spoke/text quite frequently. She changed careers, changed girlfriends, stopped seeing people, but mostly she missed me.

I got some bad news that made me move back up to Queensland, and again she was one of my support people that I called up to cry to. We had planned to meet up after my birthday, however she called me up one day and told me her ex had committed suicide.

I felt for her and told her I would do anything I could do to help her through this. I left her alone for a couple of days before I sent her a text that reminded her that I would be there for her, always.

Three weeks later, I get the call.

And my heart feels broken.

I don't know how else to describe the way I'm feeling other than heart break. I loved her more than I think she realised.

The last couple of months have been quite challenging for me. A lot of disruptions and heart ache has occurred in my life. I come from a past that has struggled with depression and I'm concerned that I may not recover from this as strong as I hope to.

I'm sick of people saying, "it can only get better" when, that doesn't seem to be the case. I'm one of those people that bad things just happen too. But, am I being selfish in saying that all these traumatic things that have occurred in my life towards family and friends, are associated to 'bad things just happen to me'?

I'm getting kind of over the obstacles I face. And I know the saying, "what does not kill you only makes you stronger" too well. It's all BS, if you ask me. I'm really sick of being one of those people that, every other week, something else has happened in my life.


Well-Known Member
I am so sorry for your loss. I, too, am tired of the platitudes, "It'll get better", "this too shall pass", etc. I have, however, recently discovered a quote which makes more sense to me and I hope will help at least a little bit.

"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone."
Rose Kennedy


Staff Alumni
I am so sorry for your loss...when we lose someone so close, i do not think we 'get over' it...I lost one of my best friends 20 yrs ago, and, although it does not sting like it did, I think of him so often and miss him greatly...the grief and crisis does lessen, but my love for him will never...I guess one learns to live in spite of this pain..again, sorry for your loss and remember, many people are inept at dealing with death and dying and they say things that sound bizzare...J

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