She's come undone

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by katiedid, Jun 18, 2012.

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  1. katiedid

    katiedid New Member

    I want to cut myself right now but I really don't know why. I have a therapist but its hard for me to say some of the things that bother me out loud so I just pretend everything is fine. I have a psychiatrist who I hate. I am on multiple medications. I'm Kate, I live in a big beautiful home with a in-ground pool in the suburbs. I just graduated from an all girls private high school (hell). I have maids and a pool man. I just got a new jeep. I have a personal trainer and if I don't want to work for the rest of my life I don't have to. You are probably reading this asking yourself why I am on here. Well there are a few reasons. When I was little my dad touched me. My cousin had too. A year and a half ago I was raped by a kid. I have major depression issues and budding addiction problems. I smoke weed every day, I guess to escape realities. I hated my school so much but I loved my friends there, I have been crying about having to leave them behind. I just left this theater I have taken classes at for 15 years and it is closing so I will never be able to come back in visit. I am tired of people thinking I have it made. I am miserable. A miserable person. I gained a lot of weight and I hate the way I look. I hate myself. I hate every single person I have come in contact with
  2. razor2012

    razor2012 Active Member

    You know what Kate, you should fire the psychiatrist. You need someone you can actually trust and confide in, that you respect. You might have to go through a few but it'd be worth the effort. Also, money is nice but as you know yourself, it doesn't make ya happy. But it can make things easier and can be a nice tool if you make it work for you. I don't know or can't comment on the sexual abuse. My ex gf had that happen to her and she just kinda never dealt with it and so like 20 years later she's still messed up. But she decided, along with her family, to play that roll. I think the worst thing to do is become a victim. I mean, of course you are a victim, but try to end that point of view as soon as possible. You are a powerful person, please realize that.
    You just need help to program your mind so you don't continue to blame yourself for the abuse. Realize it's not your fault, know that it's selfish and messed up people that commit these heinous acts, and take your power back. The more you can work at the problem, the more you'll free yourself. I can tell you have a lot of courage, I hope you find a good psychiatrist, or better yet, psychologist (since they don't pump you full of drugs), and kick this problem's fat ass.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 19, 2012
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