and I don't blame her one bit. I just wish I wasn't so much of an idiot. I've been dating her for almost 8 months now, but I've loved her, because she's the only one who cared enough to break through to me. She's been here for me, through my all fits and tantrums. It was her that stopped all my cutting, all my drugs, all my suicidal tendencies. I was an idiot though. 8 months ago, I used to cut myself regularly, and do various drugs to cope with my self-professed insanity. I had no friends, only acquaintances. I spoke to no one, cared for no one. I would wake up, and if I lived, i would go back to sleep. The days and weeks merged and I could not tell whether I did something today or last week, because it was all the same. But this girl, she was persistent. She didn't let go when I told her I was fine, because to her, I obviously wasn't. And while we were getting to know each other, and getting closer, there was another girl. I did not care for this girl one bit; she and I drank a few beers and she kissed me, and when i did nothing to stop her, she kept kissing me. I had told her previously that I am in a relationship, I don't know whether she forgot or what. The following day, she asked to hang out again, and I was still in my "wake-up-and-if-i-live-go-back-to-bed" mode, so I agreed. This time we made out and got pretty close. This was the last time. This was 7 months ago. I love my girlfriend. I'm not the same person I was then, any idiot can see that. The way I dress, look, talk, act, everything has changed. Even my grades. Last month I tried to confess to her. I told her I cheated on her and began to cry. Without explaining to her what I did clearly, I began trying to justify myself, and in doing so, she knows only what I did the first time. She's forgiven me, but she doesn't know that the next day I went back to see her. I can't take it. The guilt's been tearing me apart. Every time I see her, every time she tells me she loves me, it hurts. I reply to her saying I love her too, because I do. So Im writing her a letter, because I can't confront her. And when I write her this letter, I won't get side-tracked in trying to justify myself before I tell her EVERYTHING. I was just so desperate for her forgiveness... She forgave me for allowing that girl to make out with me, not for me going back the next day. Im going to give her this letter on Friday, because I won't see her for the weekend. I'll ask her if she still wants to make it work, message me, text me, inbox me. We don't have to talk right away, but if you message me, I'll know that we're still together. If you don't, I'll assume it's over. I'll delete whatever pictures I have, so you won't have to worry about me obsessing or creeping over them. I can't promise this, but I'll try never to approach you again.