She's gone

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by cayzira, Jul 15, 2008.

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  1. cayzira

    cayzira Well-Known Member

    I saw her on Saturday she seemed the happiest she'd been in ages. On Sunday she ran while on acess, they've still not found her. The police are looking, but there not doing a very good job.

    I don't think she's coming back, if she was just running away, she'd have told me, and she would have taken some of her stuff with her. I think she's gone off to kill herself.

    I don't know what to do, I can't live without her. If I just knew if she was alive, this would be so much easier. I'm scared and worried. I might never get to see her again.

    What do I do? What can I do?
  2. cayzira

    cayzira Well-Known Member

    Shit. I just found an article about it on the web. Reading that didn't help. MAde it worse. I don't know what to do. I'm never gonna see her again am I? I lvoe her and I don't want to live without her. please find her
  3. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    i'm sorry you've got to go through this. i really hope it works out to the good for all concerned.
  4. cayzira

    cayzira Well-Known Member

    After 70 hours we've found her.

    She called me in the end. Asked me not to phone the police, and wolden't tell me where she was, but I 1471'd the phone, and was able to work out where it was. I found her in Manchester, outside oxford road, and I took her back to the hospital. Once we got there she refused to go in. So the police (They were waiting there for her) had to section her, and then they cuffed her and dragged her in. I tried not to watch, but I could hear her screaming and shouting as they dragged her up the drive. It was one of the worst moments of my life.

    Kelly was on, which was good, cos I phoned her later and told her that when they did the bloods, they should also test for drugs. I wouldent have been able to tell any other staff, becuase I don't want Susan to know I told them, and Kelly is one of the few that I trust to handle the situation well. I feel bad for taking her back, and for telling Kelly about the crack. I know I've done the right thing, and I'm glad that she's ok (When I made this thread I though she was proably dead), but I also saw how much she hated the ward, and right now it's my fault that she's there. I'd imagine they'll place her on a one to one, which will make things a lot worse, and it's all my fault :( There wasen't much else I could have done... it's one of thouse lose/lose situations.

    I just want things to go back to how they were 4 months ago. I was feeling so much better, and she was getting better. We were happy, at least I though we were. Now she's as bad as she was when I met her, and I've been pretty fucked up myself. Last night was the first time I actually considered suicide in a long time, and even though I know Susans safe now, the thoughs haven't gone away. I don't know how to help her. I know the ward can't make things better (Unlsee it's change alot since I was there) and I'm not sure what can help her to feel better.

    I jsut want things back the way there used to be. What changed? What went wrong? :cry:
  5. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i am so glad you found her, i know these have been a terrible few days for you.
    you did the right thing by bringing her back to the hospital, but i can only imagine how hard it was for the both of you.
    what supports do you have to get you through this? it would be terrible to put your own recovery in jeapordy. you have us, of course, but is there anyone else you can share your hopes and fears with? this would be the time to talk about this, esp. since your suicidal feelings have returned.
    please take good care of yourself, you deserve it.
    again, i'm glad you found her,
  6. cayzira

    cayzira Well-Known Member

    There not really anyone I talk to outside of here. I used to alk to Susan, but these last few months I haven't wanted her to worry about me so I'm just telling her I'm fine. I used to see Camhs, but last time I tried to make an apointment I got lost (Was the first time I had to walk there) and they not made another one (I think they think I missde it on purpose, but I really didn't) so I can even get more meds (They don't know I'm back on them)

    So I'm pretty much alone, like always I guess. Still I can come here and lay out my thoughs and feelings, which helps sometimes, so... I dunno, I'll proably pull through ok. Right now I'm fine, but when things start to feel bad, I just kinda lose control of everything.
  7. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    I'm glad to hear she is ok. And you did the right thing, for her. She is safe now, and you can thanks yourself for that :) She doesn't like the ward, but if it keeps her alive, that's good :)

    Don't feel bad, because you did the right thing :hug:
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