Hi guys. First time poster, short time reader. I'm married to my best friend and the love of my life. She's upset (we both are) that my ex gf has taken me back to court and succeeded in getting my child support nearly doubled. Not only has that put a serious strain on our finances, it eats up my school tuition and impairs our ability to pay our bills, much less have anything left at the end of the month. It had been 10 years since I had seen my kids. When we ran into them a few weeks ago, I thought I had a chance at making these little strangers into my kids again. Their mother, who I'll refer to as PoisonTwat, seemed more than willing to work out some time share. Once I get to court, expensive attorney in tow, it's a different story. So, as is typical in my horrid state, the custodial mother gets just about everything and I get the grand shaft. The only good thing about PoisonTwat keeping me from seeing my kids all of these years is that it lessened the collateral damage my past has had on my marriage. You see, she just decided to stop dropping them off all those years ago. I tried in vain to get the court to intervene and enact sanctions. They refused multiple times. My attorney says none of that matters, that the past is the past, yadda yadda. So now my wife tells me she is getting an additional job and plans on spending a lot less time at home (read: avoid her husband). I've dealt with some unimaginable pain in my life, but her pulling away and purposefully sabotaging our relationship is something that will send me over the edge. Besides those issues, I was let go at work by my oversized, bigoted supervisor this past June. I am receiving unemployment benefits, but those are set to expire in December. Honestly, if I knew it would repair my relationship with my wife, I would simply walk away from my kids. As bad as that sounds, I would make that choice. For her. PoisonTwat stole their formative years away from me, anyhow. It's a lot of pain. I have two methods ready to go. One in the bathroom and one in the closet. I fear I'm too big of a pussy to (self edit!). I hate my life and fail to see its purpose. This is just a big, spinning rock. What does it matter if one person is flung from it? As a devout atheist, I have no misconceptions about what awaits me on the other side. I believe only in what can be scientifically explained. So if I go, it's just darkness and silence. I can close my eyes and imagine how good that would feel. I'm sorry if my words bring anyone else down. I wish everyone else the best of luck in not reaching this depth of despair and absolute apathy.