she's so beautiful

many of have made comments regaurding my wonderful, bright, beautiful daughter. me being here will only corrupt her personality and thoughts. how would you feel if you saw your mom drink vodka all day while crying on the couch? I used to hide it from her but I can't anymore the darkside has consumed my whole life. the only way to give her a somewhat normal life is for me to not be part of it.

 

Don't be stupid, that's not right and you know it, if you care enough for your daughter you'll summon everything inside you and get yourself well, it can be done, you just have to want it bad enough and work at it hard enough.

What meds have you tried so far?

 

medication isn't the solution to everything

 

im fucked up to, i wont go into my problems but look at it this way.

in all honesty, if you REALLY do think you are horrible, and you see suicide as the easy way out, but you want to make amends and help your daughter, then seriously do everything in your power to STOP DRINKING, lead your life for the next month or so ONLY thinking about her, not your problems whatsoever

your daughter is gonna be in a whole world of shit worse than whatever shes in now if you were to just up and kill yourself. Of anything, you are lucky, you know that whatever happens, you have someone you know at least needs you in some way. No matter how horrible you think you are, your daughter needs you alive.

Ive never felt needed in my entire life, and i would give just about anything to feel that way.

considering i found this site today, its my first post and whatever im not suggesting you take my advice, just think about it, as it is my view on what seems to be your problem

 

imagine how she's gonna feel if you kill yourself. That might scar her 4 life. Would you really do that to your daughter??? she may never get over it, it might ruin her entire life.

Think about what your doing, you love your daughter so much. People need someone that care about them like that. Think about what your doing.

 

I love my daughter more than anything in this whole world... and at one time I was a great mother. now... I have nothing to give to her. she has a wonderful loving father that is normal and functioning. he will take wonderful care of her when I'm gone. I might sound selfish right now, but I honestly have nothing inside of me. every day I watch her and her dad play together and it kills me more and more. I just watch, like I don't even exist. I have nothing... I am emptier than I have ever been. its a continous cycle for me, things never get better for very long. I have lost all hope of ever actually getting "better".

 

Just relax, have you thought about what your daughter would think if you did or even atempted?!?! From personal experance, my mom has attempted suicide 2 times, when a childs mind processes that after the first attempt i was depressed, and sad all the time, but after the second time that saddness grew into anger, i would have violent outburst and destroy everything, and eventually it has given me a scence that suicide is a way out. What if you commited or even attempted suicide and it gave your daughter the sence that she wouldnt be sad anymore, what if she commited suicide? or even attempted? How would you feel about that? Just get some help! The impact of seeing my mom bleeding from the rist and intentionaly overdocing, and reading the suicide notes has made an infound impact on my life! I am sad all the time! i hate it! if you love your daughter, and want her to grow up normally, Just dont do it!

 

Hold on hun, your daughter loves you as much as she loves her dad. Just stay strong and consider getting some proffesional counseling. Youre in my thoughts and prayers :hug:
With much love, Beret

 

just wondering, but what does your daughter know about all this? or her father or whatever?

this is only a suggestion, but tell her you are severely depressed, tell her whats going on in your head or at least some of it without maybe some of the darker things. Im pretty sure she could at least tell you what you mean to her, possibly it could give you enough to go on

 

The thing your daughter needs more than anything in this world, is a mother. Don't take that away from her..

If you are hating this so much you have to try your absolute hardest to change it all, you CAN do it, just do it for yourself.

 

hey have you ever though of meditating. it works for me , because it calms you down and makes you feel free.

maybe talk to ur daughter. and theres always helplines and stuff

have a little faith in ur self.

love nic.

 

dying2die,

Seems like you want your daughter to have the best, and she can do that with you....thier is help out thier, even for the drinking, thiers dual diagnosis programs, and all kinds of support groups....plus you always have us...we are here for you....take good care... :hug:

 

staying here is so much easier said then done... I have told my daugher that I'm going far away for a long time, but since she's only 3 it doesn't mean much to her. she's too young to understand. as for my husband, her father, he know I'm not happy, but doesn't realize the severity of my unhappiness. last night I was really drunk and I almost told what I had planned.i don't think I told him though, as he said nothing about it this morning. I'm am going to see a therapist on tuesday if I make it till then, but I've done that like a million times before with no positive results. I guess I'm just doing it to make my husband happy. nothing I've done has ever made me happy, I've tried meds, ect, yoga, meditation, hypnosis... the list goes on. nothing will ever make life good again!!!