gonna go to car now. don't wven know if I want to die. this is fucked up dont know what im doing or why, i just now that i dont want to get up tomorrow. i hate to do this, i love alex very much, i want to live and make things ok but i cant i still feel shit, i still hate every fucking moment of every day. its so much better when im with her, but as soon as im not this comes back. i shouldent do this, even i know that, but i cant not. shit