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Shit night

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anarulesmenow

Well-Known Member
#1
The title says it all. I've said before how my mother doesn't believe that I'm bipolar, despite the fact I've been to the doctor with it. Tonight it all came to a head. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow for it, and my mum had been saying stuff about how she didn't believe I was bipolar and I've been down recently and said I wanted to cancel it. She went completely ape shit and started saying shit like 'You disgust me, I can't take you out in public, there's nothing really wrong with you'. She had been coming with me to the appointment, and this reinforced me not wanting to go.
So I decided to go to the pub, I needed to get out. She said if I went I couldn't come back but I went anyway (kinda my fault she tried to kick me out then).
I had a bit to drink and she said I couldn't come back so my friend said I could stay at hers (I didn't tell her about the bipolar thing, no one knows) so I went home to collect some stuff.
I got home and my mum was wanting to talk but I felt I couldn't trust her and it all came out. I was like 'WHY CAN'T YOU FUCKING BELIEVE ME, THIS IS IN MY HEAD, HOW DO YOU THINK IT FEELS FOR ME?'
And she was like 'I just don't want to believe you're ill'
Then I was like 'I can't help it, how do you think it feels for me?' and burst into tears.
It's like she's embarrassed of me.
She let me stay anyway, and then she was like 'If you really are ill, then I'll stop work and stay home to take care of you.'
I'm sorry, but that seems really patronising. I can't help what's going on in my head.
 
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