I see happy people, happy families each and everyday as I work. Christmas is coming soon and I know I will break down more often now because there is no way I can't feel jealous seeing people having a great time while I have to feel so lonely and watch all the fun that I am no part of. I struggled to hold back my tears as I was heading to work this morning, I can't help but wonder what its like to have a mother showing her love to her children or having loving friends and family around me. Damn...I can only talk about it, in the end nothing will change. There is no way I can find a new mum or a new family. And I despise the fact that I have to go thru all these and being unable to change things. I always know this life is shit anyway..