Everything is just so shitty! And everyone is full of shit. The world is just full of shitty people who do shitty things for shitty reasons. And my life is a shitty mess because I don't know how to fix it. My mom refuses to help me learn how to drive unless she can talk to her shitty boyfriend while she's teaching me. For the love of God, I'm already 22 years old and I still can't drive a god damn car; it's about time that I learn and she won't help me. So like everything else in my life, I have to go and teach myself and hope that I don't wreck the car, myself, or get caught. I would turn to God for help but God and I aren't on speaking terms and neither are me and my brother (he was one of my only friends just like me--quirky, bipolar, and bisexual). I had him kicked out of the house and out of my life because he refused to contribute money to our household and constantly called me a bitch because I felt it necessary for him to help out. Dan is his name and he's 18 years old and supposed to drop by tonight to pick up some more of his things since he's planning on moving in with a dead-beat friend. All the while, I choose to handle this awkward situation by hiding out in my room and venting on this forum. I choose to vent my frustrations on this suicide forum instead of suicide hotline because distant, cold, apathetic hotline agents on the other end of the phone make me more depressed and angry. They don't know how to help and they can't because they don't feel what we do... hopelessness, anguish, shame, defeat. I quit a job that had great opportunities for me because I was in love with my 56 year old boss, Melanie. She was so beautiful and head strong and I loved her for it, but like every heterosexual woman, she choose to give her undivided alligance to a man. I still dream about her every night.