Shock

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by LaLaLullaby, Mar 16, 2007.

  1. LaLaLullaby

    LaLaLullaby Well-Known Member

    What's the biggest shock of suicide for you? Does the way they died make any difference?

    Please don't see this as some kind of sick, sadistic question. I'm really curious.
     
  2. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I have not had to deal with a loved one of mine commiting suicide. But I'd still like to chime in. I do not think I would care much about the method instead of the fact that they did commit the suicide itself.
     
  3. LaLaLullaby

    LaLaLullaby Well-Known Member

    nk: Thanks for your opinion. x_x Makes things difficult I guess.
     
  4. Guy Incognito XI

    Guy Incognito XI Well-Known Member

    I guess I would think I was selfish for wanting the person to be alived when they were unhappy. I would assume that suicide was their voluntary choice (unlike being murdered) and therefore the person has done what they wanted. Therefore I would be content that my friend achieved what they wanted...being dead.
     
  5. LaLaLullaby

    LaLaLullaby Well-Known Member

    I completely agree with you on that, Guy. Unfortunately most people around me don't, and I'd rather not hurt them if possible. Still trying to find a way to die without thoroughly traumatizing my closest friends and family.
     
  6. Matty321

    Matty321 Well-Known Member

    It can't be done, LaLa.

    ~Matty
     
  7. My friend who commited suicide, well, it made a difference because HE killed HIMSELF, which makes it completely different to natural causes for death.
     
  8. Matty321

    Matty321 Well-Known Member

    The biggest shock for me was that he actually did it! And that HE did it, not something natural, like someone above me here says.

    But Ignore sick things you hear like Guy thinking he'd be content that the person got what they wanted.

    Man. What word would they give Guy for that numb-thing?

    That's not ok, Guy.

    ~Matty
     
  9. LaLaLullaby

    LaLaLullaby Well-Known Member

    I see...
     
  10. marie

    marie Member

    Matty321 - don't diss other people's opinions, okay? If that's Guy's opinion he has a right to express it.

    Personally I agree and I don't with Guy. I agree I'd feel a little better knowing that it's what they wanted, but the worst thing I think would be the guilt. Could I have done something to help, etc etc?
     
  11. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    No matter how you do it, you'll ALWAYS hurt the ones around you and even others.

    I lost a friend to suicide and I was devastated, the method she'd used wouldn't have made any difference. It hurt. Still does. Always will.

    The only thing that gives me *kind of* peace with it, is the fact that I know that she strongly believed she'd head to God and that therefore she died "happy". At least I know that in her last moments she was happy for going towards God.

    Still no matter how or when or where you do it, it'll always leave people devastated.
     
  12. Macaw_Lover

    Macaw_Lover Member

    With Suicide the fact that the person took there own life is very difficult to live with. With a car accident, cancer, natural causes, etc. It's not that these aren't tragic in themselves, but with these you have an answer. That answer is they didn't "chose" to die.

    I know that many who actually go through with suicide have a chemical imbalance and when my brother in law 8 years ago took his own life I don't even have words to describe how me and my family felt.

    I know that you are looking for answers on how to leave you family untouched with the pain associated with suicide, but this will never happen. There lives will be forever turned upside down. Sure they will get through everyday life and eventually it is well what it is. That is only because they don’t have a choice except to deal with it. Just because you may know your family will “deal”, still please find a way for this not to be the end of your life. Can I understand what you are going through? No, I can’t and I won’t pretend to. I do however understand what is left for the survivors to deal with and unless anyone has been through it themselves they can’t begin to understand the complete devastation! One never gets over this type of loss, ever. This is my opinion and what I deal with myself everyday. Have I moved on, sure I have. God though there isn’t a day that goes by that I wish there was something I could do to bring him back! I don’t think time heals all. I think that is a load of crap said only to make others feel better! I think that time numbs you a bit to it is all.

    I understand that you might be thinking well how do I go through my life in pain, just for the sake of my loved ones. That is a tough one, but all I can say is fight like HELL for your life and the ones closest to you, if they truly love you WILL help you through this. They may not understand fully, but they want to see you happy and will help you in any possible way even if it is just support in your search for happiness.
     
  13. LaLaLullaby

    LaLaLullaby Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the opinions.
     
  14. raindrop

    raindrop Well-Known Member

    The biggest shock was that my sister chose to leave me. When my parents died it was not as devastating. The shock was greater for my sister. I was devastated...I kept asking why... what a waste... what was she thinking...didn't she love me... how could she do this to me... I would have helped..why didn't she come to me...didn't she know how much I loved her .. I would have done anything. I am at peace with my parents death(although they both died quite young and my mom suddenly). I am still haunted by my sister's death. I miss her everyday. I wish she was here to share the good and bad in my life as well as hers. I always wonder if she made a good choice. Would she still think it was a good choice 13 years later. I really, really believe in my heart she would not.
     
  15. nowhere

    nowhere New Member

    The biggest shock was that we thought he was feeling better. But I couldn't help him.
     
  16. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    I'd be very sad and hurt but I would understand how they felt given I feel the same way,still it would hurt me very bad I'd know.
     
  17. imheretohelp

    imheretohelp Member

    having lost my brother i can tell you first hand. somethings which happen are
    1. Feeling responsible
    2. You remember all these tiny arguments you had and think what if?
    3. You blame yourself for there pain
    4. You feel that you could have done something

    and there are many other but this is what i fealt. it made my parents very happy that they could do a open coffin funeral becuase my brother OD instead of slashing something or shooting himslef, my parents still were deeply upset and so was i but we were happy to be able to have a open coffin funeral,
     
  18. SweetApples

    SweetApples Member

    For me it was pure shock along with deep deep saddness for both him and myself. My boyfriend killed himsefl while we were together i was sleeping at the time. (i never found him-thankgod!-) i got to see him afterwards, i think that was hardest bacuase it really hit home to see him, happily-with a alomost, smirk, of his face resting there. Thats when i really knew he HAD left me.

    I really never saw his death comming..it was total shock when they busted down my door to tell me. I think because he was under the influence(of some drugs&alcohol)that for him it was a total whim decision. The drinking took away his usually good judgement and he got really depressed that night and decided he was going to end it all. and he did. he had one previous, failed attempt(before i was with him) and then his last successfull atempt with me.

    I myslef was under the influence and thats where i get alot of the feelings of guilt from. we shouldn't have never been drinking that night and this should have never fucking happened!

    Now i feel sad, alone and times, the guilt eats away at me.