Shocking mood swings,suicidal thoughts&everything else

[ace]

I'm struggling badly with shocking mood swings I'm up and down but mainly I'm low as hell.My other conditions haven't made life easier either and on top of all that I was let down by a friend very badly.There is too much on my mind I don't know what to do,nothing seems to help talking for a little while does then it just goes back to normal.I'm struggling to fight off the suicidal thoughts,getting through another night won't be so easy for much longer.

I'm carrying alot of guilt from down the years having upset many people I feel,these days I don't want to do anything anymore.Each day is the same I hate it just existing,I don't even know why I write anymore all I do is waste people's time more than anything.I seem to write and think of the same things over and over again.I've tried changing but nothing comes about in the end.Years on end it's been like this,I hate sounding like I'm feeling sorry for myself I don't honestly.I've just been stuck in this hole forever not knowing how to get out.All I can think of now is just to escape as quick as possible and as soon as I can.

 

[distress]

Your not wasting your time, if anything your helping yourself by writing what you feel, Im new to this site and just yesterday i tried to get things off my chest although to no avail so as cliche as it is I know how you feel. Its hard to change someones thoughts about what they believe but it can be done. I joined this to not feel alone in my struggles and know that im not the only one feeling this. If you feel better for an instant by telling what you feel well then im happy to listen and so would everyone.
Hope i can help

 

[ace]

Thank you for your responses it's greatly appreciated,I have an obsessional problem with writing actually it comes from my Ocd I believe.It's a real pain going on day to day not knowing if you have much purpose or feel you have none.

 

[timeric]

It gets better

2½ years out from my last attempt... it does get better. Hang in there, and make yourself get help, even when you don't think it will do any good.

 

[total eclipse]

:hugtackles::hugtackles::hugtackles::hugtackles::hugtackles::hugtackles:

 

[IV2010]

ace...:hug::arms:

 

[ace]

Thank you all as usual it really means alot,for me it's been ongoing after so many years of heartache.I've been getting all the help possible but no changes,I've never attempted and don't know how I haven't and can't say I won't either.I don't know how much longer I can put up with this it's really burnt me out badly.

 

[IV2010]

hey ace....wondering if you've had/considered the new magnetic therapy used on the brain?

 

[ace]

I have just not so sure about it,I mean I'm not scared in using it or trying it.I just don't know what to do about it really.

 

[IV2010]

Is it maybe worth finding out about before you go and end your life...
it may give you the relief from your pain your'e looking for.

 

[ace]

er I've been looking into it but I just feel I don't want to keep on living,I'm just tired of life.I know it could possibly lift my depression but then there's my other conditions and everything else.I also know it maybe easier to work on my other problems if my depression gets raised.But my life is a mess,I'm a mess and I think it would just be best if I'm gone sorry:sad:.

 

[Qu33n1]

I know how you feel. Life's so Mich harder when you have to fight things like this. Noone understands an then you try to keep to yourself because you don't want to bring them down. I have a friend that tries to understand but there's only so much he can take and I feel guilty putting so much on his shoulders. Don't want him to feel responsible if I do anything. I know how you feel. I feel such a disconnect. I can function but not as easily as everyone else. It's weird, I feel as though I'm living in a parallel world, with different rules etc. I see things differently. Walk under a constant clod and I feel as though I betray my natural feelings of being down. Sometimes I feel as though some people look at me and they 'know'. So I try not to look at people and and I smile through my pain. So scared now cos the mental pain has turned physical. I can feel it in my body and I just want it to stop. Noone understands unless they're goi through it so there's noone to talk to. It's so lonely, and scary. Then people always want to spurt out those cliche sayings thinking that that would be all it takes to get you out of it. What do you do when your only comfort is in dying?

 

[ace]

I know what you're saying and thanks for your reply it really means alot,I think the comfort in dying lies in knowing you won't have to suffer anymore.I go through each day with all my conditions and just knowing I won't be suffering them anymore gives me great comfort.Especially when it's been like this for years on end you can't help but think of anything else I have to say.