Short story about cutting

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Forlornspirit, Sep 5, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Forlornspirit

    Forlornspirit Well-Known Member

    I have a severe case of anxiety that allows me to litteraly think about a million things at once, turn them into scenario's, and act out years in the future in about a minute. I have scars over every inch of my body, some large, some small, some that have dissapeared. Though, even if they appear to be gone, they are still in my ole' thinker... I've got photographic memory. If you can imagine having an anxiety attack, and then 2 years in the future being able to re-enact every second, every emotion, every slice into your skin, then you're right on my alley with this one.

    2 years ago, Semptember 29th 8:30-8:50 pm, 1 week after the homecoming dance that had started the process going. I stood in a dark disserted parking lot. I had rode my bike, and I carried a vegetable cutting knife in my pocket. I had intended to slit my wrists. It started out with me having an anxiety attack, I started to tense, my mind racing faster and faster! And finally when it went blank, I started very slowly placing images (literally) in my head. First it was the girl, one slice on my arm, and then another, small but gradualy getting larger. Then it was my ever-so religious father, him saying "You're commiting a sin by attempting suicide." More slices, this time they have gone to my upper-arm, but they were larger than the rest (About an inch wide, and 2 inches long.). Then it was my friends, who had told me all the girl had done, and how "Screwed" I was. More cuts, as I was turning my arm one hit my vein and another.... I was breaking into another anxiety attack, I began frantically slicing as hard and as fast as I could. More images, faster, deeper. Until finally I yelled out "WHERE ARE YOU NOW?!" and I stuck the knife in my right leg, as deep as it could go until it hit the bone. I rode home about 5 minutes after, took a shower, and went to sleep.

    To this day I don't know who I was talking about, the girl, my dad, my mother, god, who knows? But, I can easily tell you about EVERY scar on my body, and the exact thought that was going through my head when I dug the (insert utensil here) into my skin.

    I look at them now, no where near healed, and everytime I see them, the time at which I did each and every scar pops into my head. Scars will stay in your head forever, no matter what kind of memory-span you have, they will always be right there, creeping around the corner. The best thing you can possibly do is just say to yourself:

    "Everything will be ok, these scars are my past, the new skin is my furture. Everything will be ok."

    I still after 2 years have thoughts about those nights that I scarred myself up, and everything I live through it again, I just repeat that sentence to myself. And go on with my life.

    I hope that all of you whether thinking about cutting, or have already done it, at least take care of the wounds. I may not be able to persuade you not to cut, but in the least I can ask you to take care of yourself in the aftermath.

    Take care. And if you ever need anything, I'm only a PM away!
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 5, 2007
  2. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    good post.
    I'll hope to be able to say that to myslef after I stop, hah if I ever stop this addiction!
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.